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NSHN Forum Support & On Topic Forums. Some additional boards are viewable to members only => Survivor Room => Topic started by: bassists_kick_ass on November 05, 2013, 09:17:03 PM
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Hello all,
I hope it's ok to talk about this on here. I did check the rules and there was no mention, but I'll keep it clean. Basically the clue is in the title. Fiancé has been suffering from ever decreasing libido for, he says, several years. It's only become a problem for us in the last few months I'd say. It's really important to me - makes me feel alive; is one of the few things I feel makes life worth living. I'm struggling to accept the situation. He is seeing a doctor next week so hopefully it's something that can be treated. If not, I'm worried. Does anyone have any advice? Any word of encouragement or insight would be greatly appreciated.
Jenny xxxx
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I'm having this problem at the moment (I'm female) nothing puts me in the mood and it's only sort of the last few weeks it's been a real issue.
I find it difficult when my girlfriend pressures me which I know she don't mean to do but that makes it a lot worse.
Sounds kind of selfish but it all has to be on my terms so it dies happen but only when I'm ready. I know this probably don't help at all but just want you to know your not alone.
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One of my ex's had the same problem and I found it increasingly difficult as I generally have a pretty high libido.
It's good that he's going to be seeing a doctor, that's the best thing he could do. Is he on any medications or have any underlying medical conditions? Sometimes other things can affect libido.
I know it's hard but try and be patient. The doctor will know what's best and will try to help any way they can. Make sure he's completely honest though. They deal with these kinds of problems on a daily basis so there's no need to worry.
Hope you can sort it out :hug2:
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Thank you both millions for replying.
Saphire, thank you for your insight. I may ask him if he wants me to just take a back seat and let him initiate when he feels ready or whether he'd rather I take control (he may feel less pressure, it's individual I suppose).
Sian - it was my idea that he sees a doctor and I was surprised that he agreed straight away! I'd expected to have to persuade him, but he does really want this to get better. He does regularly use a certain drug but I looked this up and apparently there's no evidence to suggest that it could have this effect. He's generally a happy go lucky person but I sometimes wonder how much he suppresses. I will speak with him before his appointment and encourage him to keep an open mind I guess.
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I feel like this has triggered a bout of depression - I keep crying, have no energy, seeing everything about my life and future negatively. Obviously I can't tell him this, but I am struggling.
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Sorry it's brought on a dip in your mood. It is a hard thing to deal with. I know the kind of things it can make you feel about yourself, how unattractive and undesirable it can make you feel. (If I'm wrong then I apologise). His problem has nothing to do with you though, it's not your fault.
I'm sure the doctor will be able to give you both some advice and something to try and help things. He might need his hormone levels testing, sometimes it can be caused by an imbalance.
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Thank you so much Sian. You're right, that's exactly how I felt up until about a week ago when it clicked that what he's describing it as feeling like is *exactly* how I felt when I was on ADs briefly - like that side has just been completely switched off, like it's asleep. So I feel I can completely relate. Although I'm scared that it's going to be permanent for him. I was wondering about hormone levels too. I really don't know if I could cope if this is permanent though.
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I doubt it's permanent hun, there's plenty of medications and remedies out there that he can try if it comes to that.
I often felt very rejected and unappreciated by my ex when we were having the same problems. It was as if a switch went off in his head and it was just gone. He couldn't get aroused or perform and it left me feeling pretty crappy about myself.
It's good in a way that you know what it's like. AD's can give you that side effect, luckily mine don't. Just remember to not take it personally, it's not yours or his fault. It's something that happens. They might want to do a blood test or take a semen sample for analysis. I'm sure it's nothing sinister though causing it. Probably just a slight imbalance.
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So I asked him if he wanted me to just leave him be and let him come to me and he massively appreciated that. He thanked me for being supportive and understanding and that it was a weight off his shoulders. I owe this to you, Saphire, so thank you sooo much.
Sian, I understand everything that you're saying, and thank you loads for giving me the logical perspective! Problem is, I'm prone to depression at the best of times. I feel like there is no life in me and I just want to cry randomly. I know that it's a case of waiting and seeing what the doctor says, but 'holding out' is no fun. I'm sure pretty much everyone on here can understand that xxx
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Hey Jenny,
I would suggest you go to the doctor with him and talk about how its making you feel too so you get some help too.
I had the same problem with my partner and I myself had some therapy and it really really helped to talk openly about who initiates what in the bedroom etc and we got some new ideas about how we could change things and what could make things better for us.
Be gentle with him and be patient.
Hash
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It's hard to b gentle with him when I'm feeling rubbish too. He was talking in his sleep last night about how much he loves another girl's body, and last week when he'd been drinking he told me how much he fancied someone off tv. Because I feel hurt, and also because I'm stressed about something unrelated, I keep just snapping at him. I feel like he's being distant with me, too, which I completely understand. So basically I feel like we are making each other feel worse. So I decided to take myself out of the equation and go to bed. Lying here now feeling sad, rejected and lonely. Down, lethargic, tearful xxx
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Aww hun, I'm sorry you're feeling that way.
I never used to like it when a guy I was going out with said they fancied someone else (on tv, celeb, real life) but I got over it one day and I'm not too bothered by it now. It isn't nice though. It isn't anything personal about you.
When's he seeing the doctor?