Author Topic: Same old crap *Trigs*  (Read 413 times)

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Offline Vermilion

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Same old crap *Trigs*
« on: September 19, 2019, 05:27:34 PM »
I have yet another psych assessment tomorrow, if they let me down again I'll give up. I've been through tons of these bs assessments and I'm having a really tough time trusting them. Is it okay if I tell them that?
OT thinks that DBT would help me a lot but as far as I know it's only ever offered in groups and to people with BPD/EUPD so I don't know if I'll be able to get it since my dx is ASD and I can't handle groups. Plus, they often say that there's no SH when doing DBT but I wouldn't be able to commit to that, if I could just not SH I wouldn't need DBT!

Honestly, I feel like carrying on with the way I am is emotionally painful and exhausting I cannot keep doing it.
RIP Clyde - November 25th 2018
RIP Bonnie - November 24th 2018
RIP Columbus - August 22nd 2018
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Online Tucan

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Re: Same old crap *Trigs*
« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2019, 05:36:09 PM »
Oh bless you. I wish things were better for you. Good luck with your assessment tomorrow. Let us know how it goes. And yes it is ok to say you are having a tough time trusting them because of history.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline Vermilion

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Re: Same old crap *Trigs*
« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2019, 09:09:36 PM »
The trouble is that when I've been honest in the past I've been viewed as awkward/not engaging and whatnot. At the same time I need to be honest too. It's difficult because I feel I should give them a reason that I can't be fully open with them about certain things y'know? Not until I know that there'll be some consistency because I don't want things to be brought to the front of my mind and then be left alone again, as has as happened many times. ::-\:
RIP Clyde - November 25th 2018
RIP Bonnie - November 24th 2018
RIP Columbus - August 22nd 2018
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Online Tucan

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Re: Same old crap *Trigs*
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2019, 09:13:08 PM »
Can you get a private counsellor so you are not left alone with the rubbish these assessments bring up?
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline Vermilion

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Re: Same old crap *Trigs*
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2019, 04:04:59 PM »
I've had counseling briefly in the past but just talking doesn't help much, I really need practical support. While paying for private counseling is a good idea but I need a bit more y'know? Though it would be better than nothing if they do crap out again.


I went to assessment. Apparently I have a care coordinator and aiming to figure out a care plan...  ::-\:

I asked about DBT but it's only run in groups which is a bummer but I might be able to do some modules 1 on 1 with someone which would be a better idea anyway since I mostly just need the emotion regulation modules to understand what my feelings are and whatnot. If I do go ahead with anything though I won't have to commit to not SHing so I'd feel better about that.

Apparently I'm considered as being 'at risk' due to the level of SH that I do, never thought it was that bad because there's not usually any suicidal motivation behind it (currently) but I guess it has been life threatening at times. I hope it can at least be reduced in severity of not stopped all together.

Now all I have to do is trust them which will be one of the hardest parts. I did tell her that it's because I've been pissed about so much and I can't keep repeating certain things to strangers, I just hope that it's not used as an excuse to crap out on me again.
RIP Clyde - November 25th 2018
RIP Bonnie - November 24th 2018
RIP Columbus - August 22nd 2018
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Offline Rob

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Re: Same old crap *Trigs*
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2019, 04:55:56 PM »
It looks like pathways are opening to you, some of which you might be able to utilise.  :)
That's one of the worries about sh - whether relatively insignificant harm can potentially develop into a  life threatening situation. Reducing it is a step towards stopping it, which are good steps to take.
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Online Tucan

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Re: Same old crap *Trigs*
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2019, 05:46:01 PM »
That does sound like a positive outcome.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline Vermilion

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Re: Same old crap *Trigs*
« Reply #7 on: September 22, 2019, 12:28:39 PM »
It is a positive outcome but I'm really having a tough time trusting them to actually do it. I really wish that I could trust them but I have been let down too many times so they need to demonstrate that they'll keep their word this time. I'm not seeing anyone next week because both the OT and CC are on leave and I'm quite looking forward to a quiet week!

I'm really tired today, a lot of socialising yesterday and it's depleted my energy completely and I have no energy to do anything. Screw it, I'm going back to sleep and not doing much today and I don't care nor feel guilty. It's just me and my buns and they don't judge me. :)
RIP Clyde - November 25th 2018
RIP Bonnie - November 24th 2018
RIP Columbus - August 22nd 2018
:bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :1027:

Online Tucan

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Re: Same old crap *Trigs*
« Reply #8 on: September 22, 2019, 05:33:12 PM »
Bunnies are good, mine is a pain up the backside.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline Vermilion

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Re: Same old crap *Trigs*
« Reply #9 on: September 25, 2019, 11:18:22 AM »
Bunnies are the best! Unless they're eating my wallpaper or earphones! ::) My buns don't judge me if feel like crap and have stayed in bed all day, they'll jump up to see me. :)

I have been struggling with my moods lately. I guess that it's partly due to the weather because it's dark a lot of the time. I'm not a fan of winter at all.

I'm fed up in general too. I see other people doing really well for themselves and I'm happy for them, I truly am, but a part of me also feels rather sh** about not being able to do those things. I feel like a petty minded arsehole. I turn 32 next month and it means that another year has gone past with no real progress. It feels sh**, it really does.

Plus that b**n (the one I went to the b**n unit for) isn't healing well so I'm back on antibiotics again. I'm very self conscious about it because it leaks through the dressing and smells bad. :( If the antibiotics don't help enough I might have to go to the b**n specialist again :(. I should've learnt my lesson from last time but I go and do another 3rd degree b**n because I'm an idiot.  :fryingpan:
RIP Clyde - November 25th 2018
RIP Bonnie - November 24th 2018
RIP Columbus - August 22nd 2018
:bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :1027: