Author Topic: Harmful SH alternatives? *ptw*  (Read 138 times)

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Offline LexiePancake

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Harmful SH alternatives? *ptw*
« on: September 05, 2019, 12:10:40 AM »
Hi there. Iím a new member, just looking for an outlet really.
Iíve been self harming on and off for the last 7/8 years and had periods where Iíve been clean for months but itís been more frequent and Ďseriousí for about 9 months. I have a clinical support worker as well as regular input from my GP but I feel as if Iíve hit a wall. I want to stop cutting but I also donít. I just want to hurt my skin because my brain hurts. Iíve pretty much tried all the distractions, though these are limited because I also have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia (going for a walk/run for example is out of the question) however the visible harm I do myself feels a lot less harmful than the other options my brain jumps to. Sometimes I will push my physical limits because I know itíll hurt or not go to sleep because I know that Iíll feel even worse. For me, these have a much larger impact than some scars. I just want more than anything to not be constantly wishing that I was dead or SHíing. Iíve been trying to highlight things that trigger me but itís just always there...building. Itís not something that is not there and then triggered, if that makes sense.
I listen to music, audiobooks or watch Netflix and cross stitch but it just builds. I just want so badly to not be here feeling this way. I donít want life if this is what it feels like. Iíve been through basically all medication options (currently on Duloxetine, Quetiapine and Pregabalin for anxiety and pain), multiple periods of different talking therapies. I am stuck this way; my brain is broken and there is no way out 😔 I donít know what to do 😩 I really hope you are having a good day today, and have the headspace to let happiness in.

Offline Skye

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Re: Harmful SH alternatives? *ptw*
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2019, 09:10:34 AM »
Hey  :hug1:

I have CFS and am still coming to terms with the dramatic effect it has had on my life. So I get you when you say you canít go for a run/walk and I also relate to the purposefully overdoing things as an alternative to sh. You have some support in place which is great, do you have any CFS specific support?

Weíre here to listen  :)

Offline LexiePancake

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Re: Harmful SH alternatives? *ptw*
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2019, 11:51:19 AM »
Thank you so much, it is much appreciated. CFS is certainly a life changing illness; I am sorry you're having to go through it as well.
I am very lucky to have a specialist CFS Occupational Therapist who I am seeing every few months. I know that I am so fortunate to have so much support, I just really struggle to make best use of them because they all want to know what *I* want them to do/how I want to use their services but I never know. I don't seek help when things are bad because I don't know what they could do to help and I hate the idea of sitting there asking for help and then them just saying theyre out of ideas (something that has happened more than once with Doctors and other professionals). I am a hopeless case, I guess...

Offline Skye

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Re: Harmful SH alternatives? *ptw*
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2019, 01:01:45 PM »
Things are never hopeless but they can sometimes feel it. Itís hard. Do you have family/ friends who know how hard things are?