Author Topic: Changing psychologist  (Read 87 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Skye

  • 18+
  • Always here
  • ***
  • Posts: 11116
Changing psychologist
« on: August 15, 2019, 12:15:04 AM »
Iíve been seeing my psychologist at varying rates of frequency for 2 and a half years. I really like her; sheís professional but warm. Iíve never thought of her as my friend but as a professional which is what I needed to help me manage / contain the trauma work. Sheís always kept an end goal on the table. She doesnít agree with people being in therapy for years on end. I understand that and want that but the nature of the complex ptsd makes it difficult for me to trust, to talk about certain things. This has meant that itís been a lengthy contact and Iím aware longer than sheís worked with people before. I also have a tendency to shut down things I find difficult to talk about. I have made progress. We used to have an hour of silence. That no longer happens. She was able to bring me back and now I can quite naturally bring myself back quite quickly after a brief shut down. We did EMDR. I think it has had a significant impact on my abuse experiences. I couldnít tolerate it for the assault and became pretty unstable. There is scope for me to go back and revisit it. We had a break and agreed that I donít need weekly sessions anymore but monthly catch ups would be beneficial to keep me working on the right tracks. My current appointment is a 2 month gap and I get the feeling she is trying to wean me off sessions. I donít want to be weaned off. I just stop.  I have had a difficult summer and my mental health has descended into illness rather than just an issue. Iím supposed to be doing reviews but I donít think she wants to read them. So Iíve shut it down. Iím ashamed and feel like a failure. I would like to finish my work with her but feel it will take more time than sheís willing to allow. Do I just cut my losses and find another psychologist. One who hasnít run out of energy for me. This complex, unfixable, emerging, oddity that everyone thinks is weird. Iím trying to be strong but it does make me feel a bit fragile.

Offline Rob

  • Administrator
  • Usually here
  • *****
  • Posts: 1764
  • Official NSHN geriatric
Re: Changing psychologist
« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2019, 12:26:07 PM »
You have certainly made a lot of progress with her - that's apparent just from your activity here. Ideally a psychologist will help you enough to eventually to become self reliant, but there's always going to be a pressure to reach that point, because whilst you'll want to work at a pace you feel comfortable with, your psych will be pushing you to not only be self reliant, but to feel self reliant too. Reviews work both ways, not just for your psych to read, but for you to be able to put things down on paper and see how things are going. Weaning off could be a term to use, but also the reduced sessions are giving you an opportunity to show how well you can cope without the proverbial crutch of the psych, and if things don't go well, remedial steps can be considered.

Your psych probably isn't thinking that you'd benefit from going to another psych, she is probably seeing that end goal is in sight, and that is why the number of sessions is reducing - perhaps she has the confidence in your abilities and wants you to feel confident in your own abilities too - even if that means going prepared with a book and a stick. It's a bit like driving a car - at first there's always an instructor next to you to sort things out if they go wrong, so you don't actually really feel that confidence in your own abilities until there's nobody next to you and you have to make decisions on your own. You could be at that point?
:icon_arrow: NHS Direct 111 :icon_arrow: Careline 0808 100 1210 :icon_arrow: Childline 0800 1111 :icon_arrow: Samaritans 08457 909090 - Text SAMs 07725909090 - Free SAMs 116 123 :icon_arrow: Basic First Aid

Offline Skye

  • 18+
  • Always here
  • ***
  • Posts: 11116
Re: Changing psychologist
« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2019, 07:10:22 AM »
Youíre right. And even though I donít want to go/ look forward to going they provide a really important safety net. Also I think for me, winding down/ endings symbolise a rejection and abandonment.  I also donít feel well mentally at the moment which heightens my fear of sessions ending. Ironic as when I feel unwell the first thing I do is cancel appointments, shut down contact and stop doing the therapy work I should be doing for myself.

Offline Skye

  • 18+
  • Always here
  • ***
  • Posts: 11116
Re: Changing psychologist
« Reply #3 on: August 16, 2019, 08:11:06 PM »
Trig s/h

Iím not ok. There are so many great things. But equally so many difficult. We have many family members a week on Saturday. Biggest is going to be 18 and Iím all over the place. Memories of her birth, my childhood, gifts from family etc etc. I was going to email my psychologist and ask for an appt if sheís about this week but I think sheís away. If she doesnít answer or says she canít I will feel rejected and abandoned and I canít risk that. I canít do this. I havenít s/h for a while but today I have.


Offline Skye

  • 18+
  • Always here
  • ***
  • Posts: 11116
Re: Changing psychologist
« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2019, 08:12:31 PM »
I have horrible plans which I donít want but they make me feel safe. But theyíre not safe.

Offline Rob

  • Administrator
  • Usually here
  • *****
  • Posts: 1764
  • Official NSHN geriatric
Re: Changing psychologist
« Reply #5 on: August 16, 2019, 10:28:57 PM »
Best not to dwell on bad plans. There has to be some difficult things to make other things be so great - just amble through the next week's events rather than letting yourself get overly anxious about them.

If your psych doesn't answer because she's away or already booked up, it's unreasonable for you to feel rejected - it's just scheduling. Try and focus on making the 18th a happy memory.

 :hug2:
:icon_arrow: NHS Direct 111 :icon_arrow: Careline 0808 100 1210 :icon_arrow: Childline 0800 1111 :icon_arrow: Samaritans 08457 909090 - Text SAMs 07725909090 - Free SAMs 116 123 :icon_arrow: Basic First Aid

Offline Skye

  • 18+
  • Always here
  • ***
  • Posts: 11116
Re: Changing psychologist
« Reply #6 on: August 17, 2019, 07:13:08 AM »
I know  :hug2:

Offline Terri

  • Orsem superstar-ess
  • Administrator
  • Always here
  • *****
  • Posts: 15281
  • Redemption.
Re: Changing psychologist
« Reply #7 on: August 18, 2019, 12:09:43 PM »
How're you getting on, Skye? :hug2:


I guess there's head knowledge and heart knowledge, isn't there? I know you know in your head all of those things that Rob said, but knowing it on an emotional level is a completely different thing. I hear you. It's really tricky.
Chief :smurf: Pry Master.


And hope and grace were all I needed.

This isn't everything you are.