Author Topic: The pain barrier  (Read 66 times)

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Offline Skye

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The pain barrier
« on: July 07, 2019, 10:43:30 AM »
Iím at a point in therapy where Iíve done a lot of the ground work. There is still some trauma processing to do but itís on a specific traumatic event and I have to be ready to go with it. Iím still not able to let myself cry, in or out of sessions. This impacts on the work because although I work hard and I really really want to commit to the process I instinctively battle against crying which stops me connecting with the feelings etc etc. Part of my ability to stay hard and tough has come from ED behaviours, restricting what I ate minimised all other problems and it was numbing almost. Now Iím eating enough and more I am decidedly squishy around the edges, physically and emotionally. Itís hugely unpleasant although necessary Iím told for me to start feeling again and connect with all the hard stuff. Itís hard though. Iíve worked really hard at being honest with the psychologist but struggle to express or unpick the feelings. Iíve recently had a tough time managing symptoms of Cptsd due to present and past behaviour of certain family members. I am at an optimum place for therapy to progress. Iím working constantly outside if therapy to reframe things. Iím more open with the psychologist than before. Iím completely isolated in the real world as I canít bear to be seen. I know the next few therapy sessions are going to be painful. They are much more spread out now so u can work in between sessions which helps but I donít know if Iím brave enough to keep pushing forward. It feels painful and messy. I have a gp appt this week which I need to go to to get meds but know the conversation will be painful and I really have to fight shutting down and pushing her away.
I want someone to tell me itís ok that itís going to be hard and that I donít have to go. But I need someone to tell me to suck it up and go with this painful part because the benefits will be significant. Open to frying pans too  :fryingpan:

Offline mirrhi

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Re: The pain barrier
« Reply #1 on: July 07, 2019, 08:49:35 PM »
Heya Chick,  that sounds so so tough  :hug1: You're absolutely right, it is going to be hard and you don't have to go. But you deserve to go, because even though it will be painful it will be a step towards a better future for you and for your family. You deserve a positive future and you are strong enouh to get there.  So no frying pans from me, but an agreement that yeah, you do need to suck it up and ride it out. Xx
I guess it's funnier from where you're standing, Cause from over here I missed the joke
Clear the way for my crash landing, I've done it again, another number for your notes
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Offline Rob

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Re: The pain barrier
« Reply #2 on: July 07, 2019, 09:45:04 PM »
You've made a lot of progress to get to this point, and yes, you do need to keep it up through this. You know that it's in your best interests, but like a trip to the dentist, there are unpleasant bits to go through to get rid of the pain that you've had.
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