Author Topic: Struggling a little. *SH*  (Read 923 times)

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Online so sad

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Re: Struggling a little. *SH*
« Reply #10 on: May 09, 2019, 08:43:11 AM »
Hi Terri,

I really don't see self harm as a choice. I see it as a desperate attempt to stop the emotional pain from dragging you under completely. At that point, the compulsion to do something to stop that pain is overwhelming....then it becomes addictive like any other addiction.

I have also always been loved but that hasn't stopped me feeling inadequate and a failure along the way.

Please don't give yourself a hard time about decisions you made in order to keep living.

Huge hugs

xx

Offline mirrhi

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Re: Struggling a little. *SH*
« Reply #11 on: May 09, 2019, 08:33:29 PM »
I hope I didnt come across as having a go at you, I was clumsy in what I was trying to say. I do know where you're coming from, and when I've needed treatment for SH I've felt so ashamedand worthless. But it shouldn't be that way and you don't deserve to be so hard on yourself. You're a lovely person who gives so much to others, I just want you to be kinder to youself.  :hug2: :hug2:
I guess it's funnier from where you're standing, Cause from over here I missed the joke
Clear the way for my crash landing, I've done it again, another number for your notes
I'll be your clown, behind the glass
Go 'head and laugh, cause it's funny
I would too if I saw me...

Offline Terri

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Re: Struggling a little. *SH*
« Reply #12 on: May 09, 2019, 08:41:11 PM »
Thank you so much everyone. You are wonderful. :hug2:


I'm so sorry, Mirrhi. I didn't think you were having a go at me - I was a bit pr**kly yesterday.  :hide:


Today I feel rubbish. I went to volunteering and feel like I did a terrible job. I'm on reception for the local hospice. Taking calls (we're switchboard too), greeting visitors etc. I don't know. It's hard. I don't trust my judgement. I've been there since January and I'm still awful at it. I really, really didn't want to go this morning, but I made myself get up and sorted. The people there are fantastic and I feel like I drag the place down. I keep reminding myself that it's voluntary, and if I was really terrible they would have said something/asked me to leave given how important-for-first-impressions and people-facing my partcular role is. Ugh.


I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I'll be qually a sh** at that. I try my hardest and I get praised, but think I only get told nice things because I'm mental and people pity me.
« Last Edit: May 09, 2019, 09:07:50 PM by Terri »
Chief :smurf: Pry Master.


And hope and grace were all I needed.

This isn't everything you are.

Offline mirrhi

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Re: Struggling a little. *SH*
« Reply #13 on: May 09, 2019, 09:16:36 PM »
You don't need to say sorry, prickles are allowed  :hug1: 
I guess it's funnier from where you're standing, Cause from over here I missed the joke
Clear the way for my crash landing, I've done it again, another number for your notes
I'll be your clown, behind the glass
Go 'head and laugh, cause it's funny
I would too if I saw me...

Online Tucan

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Re: Struggling a little. *SH*
« Reply #14 on: May 10, 2019, 07:03:52 PM »
How are you today?
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline Terri

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Re: Struggling a little. *SH*
« Reply #15 on: May 15, 2019, 04:09:23 PM »
Heya. Thanks for being kind. :hug2:



I'm OK, I think. Work has been stressful for various reasons, but I'm trying to remain cheerful there. Someone said something really nice to me yesterday - she said that I'm really good at my job, and in a way that makes her better at hers. It was a lovely thing to say. Apparently she'd said it to another colleague that morning, but wanted me to know that she'd said it. I'm really fortunate with where I work.


Yesterday I had a horrific half an hour or so of hearing voices. They were saying awful things, things that I find really scary. I mean, I'm fairly mentally OK at the moment in that way, so they took me a bit by surprise. I tried a few things to distract myself, before eventually telling them to shove it and they listened. I was really upset for a while afterwards though. Ended up taking myself for lunch and then going into work early because I just needed to be with people. I did manage to get on with the rest of the day though, and I haven't had an issues today so I'm hoping it was just a one off.


I had an appointment at the burns clinic in the hospital in the city today. It went OK, I think. Got to go back in three weeks and all being well that'll be my last appointment. Thankfully they trust me to dress it myself in between, so I don't have to go to the practice nurse or anything. Another awful, thick, nasty scar. They offer scar management, but what's the point? My body's a bit beyond that now. I wish some of the pain in some of them would stop. I've got a scar where they had to take a lot of dead tissue away during surgery and the nerves there are shot. Gabapentin helps a bit, but it's not perfect and it's something I'd rather not take. It's from years ago, but I might ask at the appointment on the 5th if there's anything that the scar management team might be able to do about it.



Need to tidy up my flat before my Mum comes round later. At the moment I am sat on the sofa. ::)
Chief :smurf: Pry Master.


And hope and grace were all I needed.

This isn't everything you are.

Offline Terri

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Re: Struggling a little. *SH*
« Reply #16 on: May 26, 2019, 06:58:42 PM »
I don't feel too good. I've tidied, put some dinner on and had a drink of squash. I don't know. I think I've just done too much. I'm hoping that a day of doing nothing tomorrow will be helpful.
Chief :smurf: Pry Master.


And hope and grace were all I needed.

This isn't everything you are.

Offline Rob

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Re: Struggling a little. *SH*
« Reply #17 on: May 26, 2019, 10:03:19 PM »
Did dinner and that sweet drink help a bit? They usually can when you overdo things.  Tomorrow can be a lazy day with the  :chococat_h4h:
:icon_arrow: NHS Direct 111 :icon_arrow: Careline 0808 100 1210 :icon_arrow: Childline 0800 1111 :icon_arrow: Samaritans 08457 909090 - Text SAMs 07725909090 - Free SAMs 116 123 :icon_arrow: Basic First Aid

Offline Terri

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Re: Struggling a little. *SH*
« Reply #18 on: May 26, 2019, 10:10:25 PM »
Not really. I had a shower and put clean sheets on my bed. I'm hoping that when I get into them it'll help. Messaged Mum and told her I feel a bit cruddy. She's coming round in about half an hour and we're going to go for a drive. I feel the cork has popped and it's all coming out. Perhaps a good cry and a hug will help. Honestly, I'm such a d***.
Chief :smurf: Pry Master.


And hope and grace were all I needed.

This isn't everything you are.

Offline Rob

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Re: Struggling a little. *SH*
« Reply #19 on: May 26, 2019, 10:14:30 PM »
Your mum's good at bringing your smiles back. Hope she can cheer you up with the drive and some hugs. Here's another   :hug2:
:icon_arrow: NHS Direct 111 :icon_arrow: Careline 0808 100 1210 :icon_arrow: Childline 0800 1111 :icon_arrow: Samaritans 08457 909090 - Text SAMs 07725909090 - Free SAMs 116 123 :icon_arrow: Basic First Aid