Author Topic: A fraud if I don't harm enough?  (Read 235 times)

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Offline Vermilion

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A fraud if I don't harm enough?
« on: April 28, 2019, 03:45:35 PM »
I feel like I need to justify the fact that I'm on ESA/PIP and like if I don't SH for a while then maybe I'm not that unwell. I feel the same if I'm at a psych appt of some kind and it's been a while since I harmed I feel guilty for taking up their time.

I've never actually harmed for this reason but the guilt is there if I don't SH for a while.

Anyone else? Or does someone at least understand?
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Offline Rob

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Re: A fraud if I don't harm enough?
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2019, 04:13:29 PM »
Because issues don't manifest themselves as SH doesn't mean that they're not existent anymore, nor less important. Being able to control your SH is good, but unless your underlying causes have been sorted out, you wouldn't be able to just return to employment without it all starting up again. In a way, it shows that reducing some of the pressures on you has been the right thing to do - hence your ESA/PIP is valid.

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Offline yrangelion

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Re: A fraud if I don't harm enough?
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2019, 04:15:13 PM »
I get this, it doesn't help that my CPN blames me for SH but then when I don't do it, she treats me as cured.
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Online sniper

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Re: A fraud if I don't harm enough?
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2019, 08:51:10 PM »
I have found that if I don't SH for a substantial amount of time, they write the words " In Remission "! So not true, but they choose to see what they want.

I've always known that SH for me, is just around the corner. Yes, I fight it but, when it doesn't happen for a while, they say I'm doing so well.

I feel almost "dismissed" when this happens.
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Offline Vermilion

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Re: A fraud if I don't harm enough?
« Reply #4 on: April 29, 2019, 03:27:32 PM »
Yeah,I think that the guilt is reinforced by MH services, it's probably the reason that some people SH severely as a cry for help type of thing. It can feel like a competition sometimes, I'd been asking for help for years but it's only when I had a 3rd degree b**n that they took me seriously and deemed me worth helping. When I don't SH for a while I feel like I'm not worth helping anymore and psychs seems to be reinforcing this idea, almost like they're penalising us for doing better.

ESA and PIP is supposed to be for people who are seriously unwell and I guess I start to doubt that I'm that ill. Especially when psych services treat me as such when I already feel like I've already been off work for far too long. At the same time I understand taking the pressure off has been helpful in reducing the SH a bit but I can't stop feeling that guilt. It's not helped when I hear people moaning and b****ing about'lazy shirkers' or 'scroungers' etc, it's reinforcing that guilt.

I guess these thoughts are feeding off one another.  ::-\:
RIP Clyde - November 25th 2018
RIP Bonnie - November 24th 2018
RIP Columbus - August 22nd 2018
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Offline yrangelion

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Re: A fraud if I don't harm enough?
« Reply #5 on: April 29, 2019, 07:35:22 PM »
You are definitely worth helping and supporting and it's wrong that services are making us feel like this isn't true. You are not a fraud at all and I'm sorry that you have been made to feel this way. Thinking of you and I wish I had something more helpful to say xx
when you feel like giving up, think of all the reasons you've held on for so long!! :)

Offline Vermilion

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Re: A fraud if I don't harm enough?
« Reply #6 on: April 30, 2019, 10:44:17 PM »
I wish I could feel that I'm worth it but psychs only give the impression that I'm not worth their time. They just pass me back and forth because no workers can be arsed. I wonder if I'm 'unwell' and maybe I just need to grow a set and get on with it. I'm an adult and need to get my crap together. It's hard though because psychs are supposed to be experts so they're right, surely?
RIP Clyde - November 25th 2018
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Offline jackgrillo

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Re: A fraud if I don't harm enough?
« Reply #7 on: May 01, 2019, 11:13:42 AM »
I know the feeling of not being able to justify stuff if you haven't harmed.

ESA/PIP is for people who are unwell. Even if you haven't harmed, you are still unwell, so you still deserve it.

Being passed from psych to psych sucks. From their point of view they are massively overworked, and there are far too few of them. That doesn't make it any easier when you're on the receiving end, but I don't think they mean to be quite so dismissive. Occasionally you do get one who is rubbish though.

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Offline Vermilion

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Re: A fraud if I don't harm enough?
« Reply #8 on: May 04, 2019, 02:21:58 PM »
Perhaps they don't all mean to be dismissive but it does feel like it and it's really hard when self esteem is non existent. It's like when I work myself up and get into what I feel is a dangerous place in my head do I phone crisis and get told to have a bath and see my GP. Gee thanks, now I feel like an idiot as well.

I guess the problem with my PIP/ESA claims is that I doubt that I'm 'unwell' enough to deserve it. Perhaps it's because I often see SH as a way to make things real as opposed to just in my head  ::-\:. My SH has been significantly reduced since I left work do in a sense I can see that it's the right thing but I wonder if I shouldn't be better by now.

I'm overthinking again.
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Online Tucan

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Re: A fraud if I don't harm enough?
« Reply #9 on: May 04, 2019, 05:26:38 PM »
Mental health fluctuates. Some days you can be ok and functional. Other days getting out of bed is an achievement.
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