Not well *TRIG**SUI*

[jackgrillo]

So.... I'm not well at the moment.

The black cloud is back, feeling anything is a bit far off, dreams are back, I'm not sleeping properly, I'm drinking probably more than I should.

I haven't yet feel the desire to harm, and I'm really hoping that I don't (I don't really want to go back to that place). Mrs is worried about me, keeps saying I should go to the Dr. I can't, though, can I. I've been there before. Refuse to go on meds for it, and all they can do is refer me to the AMH services, which are overworked. Can't take a place from someone who needs it more, and I know all the theory.

I should probably get out my old CBT stuff and try to do that, but I don't know where it is and, to be honest, at the moment I can't be bothered to try to find it.

It will go away, right? It always has before, and it must this time. I want to be better, I think. I mean, I want Mrs not to be worried and on my back about it. That's the same thing, right?

[Tucan]

  when the dark cloud descends we need to take it seriously and sometimes that means going to the doctor, or accepting a little extra help.

[Rob]

Perhaps look at time scales, as in how long you've not been feeling right? If it's not improving, I'd agree with Tucan, and not ignore it.

One thing that I've noticed with you over the years is that you seem to be best when you have things to plan and look forward to (we still never got to see any of that champagne, btw). Anything on your horizons to look forward to, or are there things that you can start to think about?

I listened to some vicar on R4 (I'm not religious) at the weekend talking about his depression and how low dosage ADs feature in his life. For him, they helped him enormously. I can understand people not wanting to use them, but sometimes they can make all of the difference to get through cloudier times, and help to turn things around.

The current political uncertainty is not helping, according to a few reports.

[jackgrillo]

At the moment the not-sleeping thing has only been going on a couple of weeks. I have low-level SAD (undiagnosed), which has been there since it started to get dark earlier, but that happens every year.

I don't have anything particularly at the moment to plan. I don't think there's anything specific coming up that I can look to to plan either.

I don't want to be on ADs. I don't like them, they make me feel flat, and I don't want to have to take pills every day. I know people do, and that's fine, but I don't want to. I am sensible enough to realise that if it carries on long erm then I may have to, but at the moment I don't see it as an issue that requires medication.

[jackgrillo]

There's part of me that just wants to curl up, you know? Like, curl up on the sofa and shut the world out. Completely shut down and hide. But I can't do that, can I? I'm not allowed, because I'm a functioning adult, and have a job, and responsibilities.

I need to rest. I need to sleep. I am so tired.

[Skye]

Sorry things are rubbish at the minute Jack 

If your sleep is poor your mental health suffers, regardless of whether or not there is any mental health problems/ illness, I guess. I completely get your reluctance to take anti depressants. But, could a short course of medication to help you sleep either over the counter or prescribed be a possibility? Just to get you some rest, maybe get sleep back into a routine?

Yes you have to adult but part of adulting is self care. Can you have a day off? Reset the balance?

Hang in there

[jackgrillo]

Sleep is poor because of MH, MH is poor because of sleep. They feed each other.

Can't do tablets. I have a poor history with tablets and misusing them, so don't do them. That's probably part of the reason I don't want to do ADs as well, not that I'd admit it to Mrs. :frying pan:

I have a quieter week next week, so might be able to take some me time, but not a huge amount. I need to just hide, or curl up, or sleep, or crash, or self destruct, or something.

[Tucan]

  I understand how this is difficult for you.

[jackgrillo]

I am so very tired.

[Vermilion]

Maybe a chat with your GP could help? I know that you don't want meds but if you explain how you're feeling to your GP he/she would have some advice or reassurance. Nip it the bud before it gets to the point where you need ADs.