Author Topic: Telling people *trig SH*  (Read 361 times)

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Online purplebutterfly

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Telling people *trig SH*
« on: March 09, 2019, 01:30:47 PM »
I have a diagnosis. CPTSD.

Now I have a diagnosis there are some things that I can see happening and understand but that I still can’t control my responses and that is in some ways making it worse cause I feel I ought to be able to see it is all in the past and move on. My GP tells me I am doing great, and we may even have found some funding to start therapy.

I need the therapy but am really scared. The walls and boxes in my brain have protected me for so long. But the boxes have holes and the mortar is falling out of the walls. So things are getting steadily worse. I am c****** both arms now and that is not great. I can’t stay on daily sleeping tablets so have to take them the night before I have a demanding day ahead.

So I have tentatively started talking to work. They knew I have suffered from hat we all thought was depression. Right now I should be in a staff meeting but had the courage to say it was making me feel physically ill thinking about it. So I am having a coffee. I have a meeting with the administrator on Thursday morning.

And I am scared. How honest am I? They can’t understand fully. But I need help with some stuff. It feels like I could say something that will make them decide I am not fit for work. I am. Just. And if I lost that.... no words. So need a plan.
“Pooh began to feel a little more comfortable, because when you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and other people look at it.”

Offline Skye

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Re: Telling people *trig SH*
« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2019, 01:53:10 PM »
You are entitled to support/adaptations to allow you to do your job despite physical/mental health issues. Would it help to identify what is making work difficult and what might help? I understand you not wanting to say too much but working out the basics, like today’s staff meeting, might help before your meeting with the administrator. Talk it through on here if it helps  :hug1:

Online purplebutterfly

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Re: Telling people *trig SH*
« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2019, 06:50:31 PM »
I know the theory, but as I am on a year by year contract I can’t help worrying.

As to what would help...

The staff meeting was a first step. I guess it is mostly the interactions I have with other members of staff that I struggle with, particularly the director. The work is mostly one or two to one with children. That bit is okay most of the time. I only struggle if the children are in a mood which doesn’t happen too often. But I always feel other people are judging me and they will realise I shouldn’t really be there. This is particularly true of the people in charge. Even when I do get a reasonable adjustment like skipping things it feels like there is pressiure out on me to “rise above it” and go to whatever I am missing anyway.

Just realised the group emails that go out get me too.

And then there is the organisation.... they are rubbish at that. I find that incredibly stressful. That issomething I don’t see how that can be changed.

Lots to think of.
“Pooh began to feel a little more comfortable, because when you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and other people look at it.”

Online Tucan

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Re: Telling people *trig SH*
« Reply #3 on: March 10, 2019, 11:35:28 AM »
There is indeed a lot to think of.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Online purplebutterfly

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Re: Telling people *trig SH*
« Reply #4 on: March 11, 2019, 09:46:11 PM »
Today I did some writing in preparation for the meeting. Found a good description of CPTSD online and copied it. I listed all the effects it has on me, and then took out the ones that don’t affect me at work.

Then I started working on what would help me. That’s the really tricky part. How do you explain that every little criticism has the potential to send me into a melt down? And that I don’t think I deserve the job anyway? If I say that they will think I can’t do the job.

 :16969:
“Pooh began to feel a little more comfortable, because when you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and other people look at it.”

Online Tucan

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Re: Telling people *trig SH*
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2019, 09:51:02 PM »
It is hard. It is difficult to know what will help us. Plus we want to work.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Online purplebutterfly

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Re: Telling people *trig SH*
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2019, 11:48:55 PM »
Been strugging.
Meeting tomorrow.
Not taking sleeping tablet tonight. Not supposed to take them every day and always do before they see me at work. Gives a false impression of how I am really.
“Pooh began to feel a little more comfortable, because when you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and other people look at it.”

Online purplebutterfly

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Re: Telling people *trig SH*
« Reply #7 on: March 14, 2019, 12:23:39 PM »
Been a difficult day and it’s only 12:15. Back in bed.

GP first. She has refered me to psych, but last time she did a referal she heard nothing for 3 months. She said she might as well try as I am getting worse. It’s like acknowledging there was trauma has broken the locks on the boxes some of the memories wer hidden in. They are leaking out. Don’t like it.

She also suggested someone to self refer to as I may have found a source of funding but need therapy ion place. That involved phoning. Did it. Appointment on 25th. GP away next week.  :'(

Then meeting about work. Feel reasonably positive about it. The 2 main concessions are sorted, the 3rd being tried. Hard to be open, but knew it was necessary.

Went for a bit of a walk.

Now exhausted.

We need a bed emoji
“Pooh began to feel a little more comfortable, because when you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and other people look at it.”

Online Tucan

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Re: Telling people *trig SH*
« Reply #8 on: March 14, 2019, 12:51:47 PM »
Sounds exhausting. Bless you. Also sounds like you got some positives out of it too.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Online purplebutterfly

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Re: Telling people *trig SH*
« Reply #9 on: March 14, 2019, 07:15:58 PM »
3 hours sleep
Then had to cancel a lot of work. Being self employed not good.
Just too tired to concentrate. And my body has no temperature control.
“Pooh began to feel a little more comfortable, because when you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and other people look at it.”