Author Topic: Sad  (Read 622 times)

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Online Tucan

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Re: Sad
« Reply #10 on: January 16, 2019, 10:08:47 PM »
I understand that. I am eating food like anything at the moment also. Plus my waistline is expanding! I was really fidigity last evening and it's a horrid feeling when you cannot settle on one thing.

Good luck with the gp on Friday.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


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Offline terrified heart

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Re: Sad
« Reply #11 on: January 16, 2019, 11:41:28 PM »
Thank you xx

Yeah itís horrible feeling to be restless. My mind is going 100mph with negative thoughts and emotions.

I SHíd. Itís only tiny and wonít cause any lasting damage, but meh. The pain is nice. Itís comforting. I want to do more now though. Bigger, more extreme. Iím going to try hard not to. This is small and not even worth mentioning to anyone or stop me donating blood. Anything more would be too risky. I feel like smoking cigarettes, which is not something I do expect for a handful of times when Iíve been unwell.

Iím worried this is the beginning of something bad. These thoughts and feelings seem to surface around January and have ended up really bad by Feb/March. My head is telling me some horrid things, painting a picture of a horrible time ahead.

I donít want to go to work tomorrow. I donít want to deal with any aspect of life tomorrow. I donít even want to wake up tomorrow, but I expect I will do all those things.
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Offline Terri

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Re: Sad
« Reply #12 on: January 16, 2019, 11:47:34 PM »
Hey TH.


I know you said your care has been stepped down, but do you think you could call one of your support team and tell them how you're feeling? Not necessarily about the SH if you don't want to, but about the negative thoughts etc? They may be able to offer you some suggestions on what you can put in place to stop things from escalating like they have done before.


I hear you. I can really understand the not wanting to deal with any aspect of life. I hope you're able to manage them. I think work have been supportive in the past? Would you feel able to talk to anyone there?


You are defo an orsem superstar-ess  :1025:



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Offline terrified heart

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Re: Sad
« Reply #13 on: January 19, 2019, 09:32:20 PM »
My care team would happily see me sooner Iím sure. They have always been supportive and helpful.

I just canít though. Iím so disconnected from myself right now I just know I wonít be able to verbalise any of this. I feel like Iíve stepped outside of my own body.

Work have been good in the past. But right now there is a lot of work based stress that everyone is coping with. Iím lucky Iím that I work 9-3.30 and am not expected to do anything more. The others are working long hours outside of their contract to cope with extra demands. So my own messy head is the least of their worries. Iím an added stress to everybody at the moment with my mood swings and negativity.

I saw my GP yesterday. She was good but as she was running over an hour late I didnít feel like I could go through as much stuff as Iíd planned on.
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Online Tucan

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Re: Sad
« Reply #14 on: January 20, 2019, 12:04:33 PM »
Could you write down stuff and then phone your care team with it written in front of you?
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


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Offline terrified heart

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Re: Sad
« Reply #15 on: January 21, 2019, 07:35:20 PM »
Iíve not contacted them yet. It feels a bit rubbish for me to ask for support just a week or two after them saying they are reducing the frequency of my appointments.  Iím seeing CPN on the 31st so Iím going to try to wait until then.

Iíve been taking lorazepam over weekend to dampen down the uncomfortable thoughts and SH urges. Iíve not even been prescribed it for ages, so itís just some Iíve dug out from before. I shouldnít be taking it, but the restlessness and urge to run away from myself is so hard to just sit with.

My eating is still really bad, but Iíve just been offered a place on an exercise and wellbeing trial that is running in my area. You get a set of free personal training sessions along with a dietician and emotional well-being coach too. I have to go to a local gym next Monday (28th) to register. Iím quite looking forward to it. I struggle with motivation so having 1-1 support should really help. Iím a bit nervous too though. Iím really unhealthy, unfit and overweight so I do know I need to do something and this seems a good opportunity.
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Online Tucan

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Re: Sad
« Reply #16 on: January 21, 2019, 08:09:02 PM »
Waiting until the 31st is a long time. But I also don't contact them and wait until my appointment myself. Feel free to contact them for support.

The exercise and training sounds good
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


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Offline terrified heart

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Re: Sad
« Reply #17 on: January 23, 2019, 12:51:32 PM »
Iím on my lunch break and Iím sat in my car crying. I donít want to go back but Iím in the middle of a task that I really need to finish.

I really really donít want to be alive any longer. Iím so unbearably unhappy. Every time I drive my car I long to close my eyes and hit the accelerator. I want my life to slip away from me. Close my eyes and never open them.

Iíve not spoken to anyone about any of this. I canít. I donít want to be saved. I want to withdraw from everyone and everything and just cease to be.
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Online Tucan

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Re: Sad
« Reply #18 on: January 23, 2019, 01:08:16 PM »
I really think you need to call the people that support you. Please seek help.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


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Offline terrified heart

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Re: Sad
« Reply #19 on: January 23, 2019, 03:42:04 PM »
I just canít. Iím sorry. It would be worse for people if they knew and then I killed myself anyway. I wouldnít find any comfort from people knowing.

Iím donating blood tomorrow and I want to do something good with my life so Iím determined to do that.

I really donít want to abandon Buddy my guinea pig so Iím going to try to cope without dying, but I really want to withdraw from society and just stay home with Buddy. I left stuff in my locker at work which they need for tomorrow in case I donít go back.
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