Author Topic: Sad  (Read 624 times)

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Offline Rob

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Re: Sad
« Reply #20 on: January 23, 2019, 04:09:20 PM »
 :happy020:

Hey, you've had thoughts along these lines many times in the past, yet you've been able to turn them around again. You know more than anybody that these feelings aren't permanent and that with some work from your support peeps things will change again, but you need to get in touch with them and tell them how you're feeling, and you know that they won't mind you doing so because you need their help.

On another practical level, is it a good idea to donate whilst you're feeling like this? It might be wise to postpone your appointment until you're feeling stronger?


Talk to your support peeps, pls.  :hug2:
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Offline terrified heart

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Re: Sad
« Reply #21 on: January 23, 2019, 05:02:58 PM »
There is nothing anyone can say which will help though. No one can get into my brain and take these thoughts and feelings away. Yes, this will probably pass and Iíll survive so why bother anyone else with it. We will just go round in circles with them saying things will get better and me saying I donít want them to, because Iíll only crash again so itís pointless bothering to feel better. Whatís the point in anyone bothering to talk me round if I just sit there and donít believe or trust a word they say. Itís all so futile and exhausting and must make people just utterly sick of me.

I think I will cancel blood donation for tomorrow. I want to take PRN in a minute and numb myself out for the night. I canít face sitting here listening to my head and longing to be dead.  If Iíve got to stay alive I want to be as out of it as possible.

Iím sorry Iím not taking any advice but still posting. I know it makes me a stupid annoying person. I can stop posting here if Iím irritating people.
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Online Tucan

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Re: Sad
« Reply #22 on: January 23, 2019, 05:33:35 PM »
Keep talking to us.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


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Offline terrified heart

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Re: Sad
« Reply #23 on: January 23, 2019, 08:27:05 PM »
I would like to keep talking on here because I feel safe on here and itís a comfort to me. But it must be annoying for people if I donít take your advice and I donít want to outstay my welcome.

I told work Iím ill and might not be in tomorrow. Gave them notes on what needs completing and where Iíve left things. Iíve no plans to end my life tonight, but Iím just not sure Iíll be able to be a functioning person tomorrow. I donít know if Iíll be able to get out of bed let alone get dressed, drive and then try to be productive around people all day.

Iím quite sedated which is nice.6 I know the hopelessness, despair, sadness and suicide stuff is all in my head, but itís been a bit squished by the tranquillisers so itís not so distressing.

If I donít get myself to work in the morning I might be able to make myself speak to someone from MH. No promises though.

Iíve not had a shower for a few days. I donít think I smell or anything (been using deodorant and perfume) but I feel a bit grimy yet the thought of actually having a shower or a bath just seems impossible. Gross I know, but I live alone so who cares. Buddy doesnít mind, Buddy shows me love and affection no matter how rough I look.
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Online Tucan

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Re: Sad
« Reply #24 on: January 23, 2019, 09:12:45 PM »
Aww bless you. Keep talking on here. I understand what you are going through. It sounds incredible difficult. You don't have to go through this on your own .
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


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Offline terrified heart

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Re: Sad
« Reply #25 on: January 23, 2019, 10:24:27 PM »
Thank you. I hate that Iím so useless at being a human. Iím rubbish at every aspect of life. Even my best intentions come out wrong.

Iíve spent the last few hours googling things around suicide that I know I shouldnít be looking at. Almost did it like a research project, gathering information, getting references, making notes, cross referencing. Iíd have made a good PhD student if I hadnít of gone mental. Iíd have been a competent researcher if my lack of life skills hadnít have ruined my chances.

At least Iíve got the skills to research death in a clinical and practical way though hey.

Perfectly safe tonight. Too sedated and exhausted to do anymore than lay in bed and sleep.
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Offline Rob

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Re: Sad
« Reply #26 on: January 23, 2019, 10:44:36 PM »
I'm glad to hear that you're safe tonight. It's up to you what you take notice of or not, we can only offer suggestions in the hope that there might be something that can help you when you're struggling.

Might    ..   :hug2:
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Offline terrified heart

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Re: Sad
« Reply #27 on: January 24, 2019, 06:26:48 AM »
Iíve woken up. I didnít take anything dangerous last night but I still hoped taking what I did was going to make me sleep longer.

I donít know what to do with my day. I might go to work this morning and see how it goes and maybe ask to leave at lunch time if itís too difficult. I canít drive really today with the sedatives from yesterday still in my body, but itís only a 25 ish minutes walk which might be good for me to clear my head on the way.

I will try to contact MH peeps at lunch time. I do know I need help, if it were someone else saying these things I would be worried for them. I just donít know if I can allow anyone into this secret world my head has created. Yes itís a miserable and scary world, but itís mine and I donít know that I can let anyone into it at the moment.
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Offline terrified heart

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Re: Sad
« Reply #28 on: January 24, 2019, 06:36:00 AM »
Iím going to try to get myself to have a shower I think.
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Online Tucan

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Re: Sad
« Reply #29 on: January 24, 2019, 08:58:56 AM »
Did you go work?;
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'