Author Topic: Sad  (Read 1019 times)

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Offline terrified heart

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Sad
« on: January 10, 2019, 07:40:53 PM »
I feel sad today. No real reason for it. In fact Iíve had a pretty positive day and my appointment with my recovery worker went well this afternoon.

I think the thing Iím feeling most sad about is feeling alone. Not lonely so much, but alone. I would like to meet someone to share my life with, like other people seem to find. But I donít know that I could allow someone to get close enough to me because Iím so afraid of getting my heart broken. Plus I donít view myself as good enough, or sane enough for anyone to cope with being with me. I like that Iím independent and can rely on myself to do things and go places, but deep down I miss the companionship and emotional support or having a partner. Thatís a natural thing to want though isnít it? I just donít know how to go about meeting someone in the first place, or then being able to trust them and feel like Iím worthy of them.

Iím also struggling a bit with memories. I go to bed in the evenings and as soon as I stop I get flooded with memories which make me feel so sad. And then when I get to sleep Iím having such vivid dreams which either upset me because sad things happen in the dream, or sad because good things happen in the dream and when I wake up I realise I donít have those good things in real life.

I wanted to cry all day in work. Iíve stopped being moody and snappy, but now Iím feeling so sad. And ĎAí the bloke I was kind of seeing before from work was being friendly to me today and saying nice things about my work, but it just made me feel sadder because I really liked him but the whole situation from before hurt me so much.

Meh, Iíll get through this Iím sure. Iím just feeling fragile and lonely and Iíd love to have someone here who I could snuggle up to and feel comforted.
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Offline Terri

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Re: Sad
« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2019, 07:44:43 PM »
You will get through this, but I know that doesn't necessarily make it feel any less rubbish when you're going through it.


You are worthy. :hug1:


You are defo an orsem superstar-ess  :1025:



And hope and grace were all I needed.


This isn't everything you are.

Online Tucan

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Re: Sad
« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2019, 07:47:17 PM »
It is natural to want somebody. It is difficult. Can you try and look for friendship first?
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline terrified heart

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Re: Sad
« Reply #3 on: January 14, 2019, 08:44:17 PM »
Thank you both xx

I think I got an answer to why I was emotional last week, got my period at the weekend. Going to have to get used to this womanís stuff again I think, seems Iím getting back to a normal cycle now.

Iím feeling much better emotionally this week. Physically Iím in pain all over. Iíve got sciatica in my left leg, a weird nerve pain in my left arm, plus the Ďwomanís painsí. Had two different types of painkillers today and got a heat patch on my back.

My CPN and recovery worker have stepped down my care for the time being. The said they have made my care more Ďreactionaryí so there will be less appointments while Iím ok, but will be stepped back up if I go downhill. CPN said if I became unwell they would happily increase my appointments, even daily if it was necessary, but while Iím doing ok they will just check in monthly or so.

Back to my last post, I think I would like to meet someone for companionship and hopefully real love someday. I donít know how to go about meeting anyone though. Obviously there is internet dating, which I have done before (some positive experiences as well as some waste of time), but it is stressful thinking about doing all that. I donít really go anywhere to meet anyone naturally though. I have local friends but none that really go out in the evenings. I live in a very small town too, and there isnít much going on socially that I could join in with. Maybe internet is the best option  ??????!?
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Online Tucan

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Re: Sad
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2019, 09:29:33 PM »
Good luck. I understand how hard it is to meet somebody.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline terrified heart

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Re: Sad
« Reply #5 on: January 16, 2019, 06:09:33 PM »
I want to SH so badly.

Iím feeling so stressed and miserable. Iím haunted by memories of horrid times from the past and convinced that the future holds nothing positive. Iíve driven in my car the last few days and wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and put my foot down.

Hormones probably arenít helping with the unhappiness. Work is the biggest cause of the stress. Life feels impossible to manage and a happy future feels unobtainable.

Suicide incredibly appealing. SH feels more practical and easier to hide. This s*** might pass and suicide is final blah blah blah... SH will heal, no one else will be affected by that action. Why the hell not. Life is horrid.
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Online Tucan

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Re: Sad
« Reply #6 on: January 16, 2019, 06:52:46 PM »
You sound like you need a big hug. Wish I could help you. You will get better.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline terrified heart

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Re: Sad
« Reply #7 on: January 16, 2019, 07:33:07 PM »
Thank you Tucan. It helps to feel heard so thank you for replying xx This place is the ultimate comfort for me, to feel heard, understood and not judged means a lot xx

Iím donating blood next week. I need to not harm before then. I know I need to not harm at all, but not harming until after blood donation day seems easier to aim for than not doing it ever.

I have a GP appointment on Friday. Itís with a nice one that I know will listen. She will listen and be kind, but practically what could she actually do or say that will help?

I guess if this is hormone related and not just general depression then maybe hormonal contraceptives might help? I might ask GP if she thinks taking the pill again might help. My AD is already at the higher dose and out of the dozen or so Iíve tried this one has been the most effective.

Iím so tired and fed up of feeling this way.
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Online Tucan

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Re: Sad
« Reply #8 on: January 16, 2019, 08:04:45 PM »
I understand that. Bless you. Take care. Good luck with the go. I need to start donation blood again . I am on the mini progesterone only pill. It stops my periods altogether and that helps with the hormonal mood shifts.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline terrified heart

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Re: Sad
« Reply #9 on: January 16, 2019, 09:03:49 PM »
Thank you. I was on the POP before, I canít take the combined pill because I get migraines. If GP thinks it will help I would definitely take it. Iíll ask her on Friday.

Iíve decided not to go to Borneo this year. Money is tight and I donít know if Iíve the energy for a busy holiday or a long haul flight. Iím going to go somewhere in Europe with my friend in July instead. We both fancy a very relaxing holiday this year.  I wish I could fly away this weekend!

I feel so tense this evening. I canít seem to relax at all. Iím supposed to be trying to lose weight but the only thing that is keeping me going is food. Ice cream, chocolate, cake... I really do comfort eat when Iím unhappy. Not good for my already high cholesterol or my ever expanding waistline. Nothing else makes me feel better like food does tho.
See something new, do something new, learn something new, go somewhere new... See what this world has to offer