Author Topic: i really want to sh... trig sh  (Read 139 times)

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Offline Tired Soul

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i really want to sh... trig sh
« on: December 22, 2018, 09:15:01 PM »
 :maytrigger:

im really struggling not to sh

i am sat drinking, which i havent done in ages and i dont even have my tool that i would usually use, but i currently feel like i would stray from my usual ways because of how i am feeling.

does anyone have anything that can help?

x
Be patient and tough; some day this pain will be useful to you.

Offline Tired Soul

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Re: i really want to sh... trig sh
« Reply #1 on: December 22, 2018, 10:25:00 PM »
my body hurts so much

i want to make it hurt on my terms

i havent been so low in such a long time
Be patient and tough; some day this pain will be useful to you.

Online Tucan

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Re: i really want to sh... trig sh
« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2018, 07:22:14 AM »
 :hug2: I am sorry that things are so bad at the moment. Hope you managed to stay safe. Sorry I wasn't around for you last night when you needed help.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline Tired Soul

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Re: i really want to sh... trig sh
« Reply #3 on: December 27, 2018, 07:25:32 PM »
It's Ok, it's not your job to be around, Tucan.

Be patient and tough; some day this pain will be useful to you.

Online Tucan

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Re: i really want to sh... trig sh
« Reply #4 on: December 27, 2018, 07:59:40 PM »
How are you now?
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline Tired Soul

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Re: i really want to sh... trig sh
« Reply #5 on: December 27, 2018, 08:49:07 PM »
not great. but drinking to manage it. opened another bottle to keep me going. This time of year is always difficult and apparently I do not know how to manage it still. I want to go to buy myself some tools.

I have been recently struggling with the idea that i will never have any family of my own that really loves me. I have always said i would never ever have children because i wouldnt wish my dna on anyone ever. But now that everyone has abandoned me from my family I am starting to worry that it;s not me and my dna that is the problem but that it was them, my family.

I have a partner and we agreed we never wanted children,... but what if i have now realised that its not me thats got the bad dna, its the others that are sh**, it's just their personalities that are bad... so maybe my dna is ok, that i could be a good mother? maybe it would be ok to have a baby... maybe i dont have to be alone forever as i had planned? I dunno... I just am scared after this xmas, i didnt have a single text from my family to say happy xmas... i dont know if i want that to be how it is forever? and if i dont want that... then my partner probably wont want to stay with me, because babies are def off the table w my partner... if i say i want a baby then theyll leave me too....

life will be so lonely and empty if this is all it is meant to be

theres no point for me the way it feels
Be patient and tough; some day this pain will be useful to you.

Offline Axia

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Re: i really want to sh... trig sh
« Reply #6 on: December 27, 2018, 09:26:44 PM »
I'm sorry, Christmas is a difficult time of year and it is hard to manage. I don't think you will be alone, you have a partner who loves you. Can you talk to them about any of this?
Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light; I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. x

Offline Tired Soul

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Re: i really want to sh... trig sh
« Reply #7 on: December 27, 2018, 10:10:50 PM »
no, she almost passed out when I joked about 'if we had a baby' back in October.

She doesn't want to hear about babies and it will go against anything I have said before. She has committed to marrying me now and it seems totally d***ish to be saying that kind of thing to her at this point.

I am a waste to being anyone's family.
Be patient and tough; some day this pain will be useful to you.

Offline Axia

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Re: i really want to sh... trig sh
« Reply #8 on: December 28, 2018, 12:25:29 AM »
You are not a waste to being anyone's family. Your partner has committed to marry you, she doesn't think you are a waste. I'm sorry things are so difficult, I've not been in your current situation so I'm not great with any advice but if you want to talk I will listen.
Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light; I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. x