Author Topic: Trapped - may trigger  (Read 335 times)

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Online Tucan

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Re: Trapped - may trigger
« Reply #10 on: October 18, 2018, 03:07:31 PM »
Remember that depression tells you lies. I am sure that your work are happy to have you there and would rather keep you.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline Vermilion

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Re: Trapped - may trigger
« Reply #11 on: October 18, 2018, 10:11:29 PM »
Depression and anxiety does make us over think things and clouds our judgement. I understand how horrible meltdowns are too, I have them frequently    :hug1: :hug2:.

Does the manager know how useless your other colleague is? You might need to explain to your manager how it's affecting you, it's not fair on you. 
Is there any way that you can plan your days? If you have a list of tasks that you can tick off you'll see that you're a lot more productive than you think you are. Plus, it's less stressful if you can plan ahead and have at least a rough idea if the day ahead.

Your manager clearly thinks highly of you, that's why she supports you. It's the depression that is making you feel like a burden when you're not.  :hug1: :hug2:
RIP Clyde - November 25th 2018
RIP Bonnie - November 24th 2018
RIP Columbus - August 22nd 2018
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Offline so sad

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Re: Trapped - may trigger
« Reply #12 on: October 19, 2018, 07:53:24 AM »
I do love a good 'to-do' list and I do structure my day as much as I can. This thing that has been knocked me right off isn't something I know or have ever done. I think its just a tedious task with a lot of it but I'm terrified that I'll c*** it up and let everyone down. I know I'm predicting the future but I can't help it. The fear is huge.

My manager sort of knows about my colleague. They get on really well (he is a nice guy) but I think she is realising that he doesn't do the stuff he should be doing in favour of 'sexy' work that will get him noticed. It really drives me mad that I do all the work but because he does the odd bit of stuff that senior managers see, they all think he is amazing. Very frustrating.

Saw my DBT therapist yesterday and she is concerned that I've taken small overdoses. I did say that I hadn't gone over the max for the day but she said its still too much in 1 go and could result in slow suicide. I hadn't thought about it like that but still not sure I care.
x

Online Tucan

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Re: Trapped - may trigger
« Reply #13 on: October 19, 2018, 07:57:12 AM »
What can you do to take care of yourself?
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline so sad

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Re: Trapped - may trigger
« Reply #14 on: October 19, 2018, 09:36:13 AM »
I think I need more 'me' time but that's not straight forward. My partner is controlling - she doesn't seem to mind me going to costa for an hour at the weekend to do my DBT homework but beyond that - she doesn't like it. I know that isn't right and I shouldn't let it dictate what I do and when but in reality it does. She is retired so is on her own quite a bit so then doesn't like me doing my own thing too often.

I do self-soothe quite a bit even though sometimes it goes against how I'm feeling (self-hate etc) and I do make time to read (lunchtime at work). I'm a bit stuck after that. x

Online Tucan

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Re: Trapped - may trigger
« Reply #15 on: October 19, 2018, 12:39:20 PM »
I know it's hard to look after yourself. But you are doing great.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline Vermilion

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Re: Trapped - may trigger
« Reply #16 on: October 22, 2018, 06:12:26 PM »
Sounds tricky. When I need space I put on some soothing music on through earphones or steal half hour in the bath. You really need to convince your partner to let you be alone sometimes. Could she be encouraged to join a social group of some sort? That way you can have alone time while she goes out and does something she enjoys, it'd benefit both of you.
RIP Clyde - November 25th 2018
RIP Bonnie - November 24th 2018
RIP Columbus - August 22nd 2018
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Offline so sad

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Re: Trapped - may trigger
« Reply #17 on: October 24, 2018, 07:58:34 AM »
My partner is pretty anti-social. She is retired so if she does go out its during the week and in the day when I'm working. About once every 2-3 months she'll go to a friends for tea but that's it.

I can't sop thinking about suicide - its feels like its my only comfort x