Author Topic: More of the same... (trigs, SH, Sui)  (Read 431 times)

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Offline Vermilion

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Re: More of the same... (trigs, SH, Sui)
« Reply #10 on: September 11, 2018, 11:14:10 AM »
 I'm struggling with similar feelings too, I've actually written a post similar to yours a few minutes ago. I understand those feelings and I really wish I could find an answer for us all. I hope that you are OK.

:hug1: :hug2:
RIP Columbus :bunny: :1027:
August 22nd 2018

Offline terrified heart

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Re: More of the same... (trigs, SH, Sui)
« Reply #11 on: September 20, 2018, 05:39:55 PM »
I keep it together in public, but when my CPN and support worker ask me whatís in my head it all spills out. Iíve just sat with them both and cried for an hour over how my brain is full of suicide stuff. Iím tired (emotionally) and Iím trapped in this nightmare where I feel bombarded with all the reasons why I should kill myself, all the things Iím rubbish at, all my failures.

Iíve messed up with taking my meds. And please donít say Iíve been stupid. I already know Iím stupid. Itís just so hard to take them. Something stops me sometimes and I donít have the energy to fight all this stuff with my own brain.

I wish I could be put into a coma for a few weeks to let my brain rest and reset itself
See something new, do something new, learn something new, go somewhere new... See what this world has to offer

Offline Vermilion

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Re: More of the same... (trigs, SH, Sui)
« Reply #12 on: September 20, 2018, 05:53:50 PM »
You're not stupid, just struggling  :hug2:. Have you started taking your meds properly again?

For some reason our brains only focus on the negative stuff and forgets the good stuff. I'm guilty of this myself, I think we all are. You do put in a huge effort;

- You go to work
- You keep your own place going
-You look after your guineas
-You put yourself out there to try and socialise
- You know when to ask for help

All while battling a serious MH problem. I know it's difficult for you though, it's a horrible place to be when your brain is like that.  :hug1: :hug2:
RIP Columbus :bunny: :1027:
August 22nd 2018

Online Tucan

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Re: More of the same... (trigs, SH, Sui)
« Reply #13 on: September 20, 2018, 06:02:20 PM »
I am sorry that things are so difficult for you. That really sucks. But you are still managing stuff. That is pretty amazing. My cpn says when I am down I need to balance the negative with some positive that is happening in my life. I know that is difficult but if it helps even just a little bit then it could be worth it.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline terrified heart

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Re: More of the same... (trigs, SH, Sui)
« Reply #14 on: September 26, 2018, 01:04:19 PM »
Iíve been taking my meds, but Iím not feeling a benefit from them to be honest. I canít snap out of this sadness. I canít stop thinking about death, I keep crying in the evenings and Iím swamped by thoughts of suicide and past memories.

I have an appointment with recovery worker after work this afternoon. Iíll go, and sheíll be nice, but it wonít change anything in my head. My CPN said last week that I just need to go there every week for them to keep telling me itíll get better until I start to believe it myself. It just seems such a waste of their time. I think they should have had a team meeting about my car by now, so maybe they will have some suggestions of what I can do when I go later
See something new, do something new, learn something new, go somewhere new... See what this world has to offer

Online Tucan

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Re: More of the same... (trigs, SH, Sui)
« Reply #15 on: September 26, 2018, 01:58:58 PM »
What are they going to say about your car? Still keep going to these meetings, they are not a waste of time. They are trying to keep hold of the faith and hope for you whilst you are too poorly to see a future. Sounds like you are in a really horrible place at the moment.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline Rob

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Re: More of the same... (trigs, SH, Sui)
« Reply #16 on: September 26, 2018, 05:29:23 PM »
Care.

I hope today's meeting was of some inspiration  :hug2:
:icon_arrow: NHS Direct 111 :icon_arrow: Careline 0808 100 1210 :icon_arrow: Childline 0800 1111 :icon_arrow: Samaritans 08457 909090 - Text SAMs 07725909090 - Free SAMs 116 123 :icon_arrow: Basic First Aid

Offline terrified heart

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Re: More of the same... (trigs, SH, Sui)
« Reply #17 on: September 26, 2018, 05:35:18 PM »
Oops, should have said care not car. Gave me a chuckle reading it back though lol.

Iím glad I went because it did help. We spent 30 mins of me saying why I shouldnít be alive and her giving me arguments as to why I should. Quite a bit of crying, then 20 odd minutes of talking through things Iíve enjoyed in the past and ideas of how I can distract/argue with the suicidal thoughts, then a plan of things I can do over the next week. I felt better when I left. She said her or my CPN will see me every week and even if itís just an hour of them giving me arguments against the bad thoughts then itís a constructive use of their time.

CPN is arranging me a psych appointment for meds review, and Iíve had an assessment questionnaire to fill out for psychology to see if I can get some kind of therapy.

Thank you Tucan & Rob xx
See something new, do something new, learn something new, go somewhere new... See what this world has to offer

Online Tucan

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Re: More of the same... (trigs, SH, Sui)
« Reply #18 on: September 26, 2018, 07:44:26 PM »
That sounds really positive. They can help you through this a little bit at a time.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline Vermilion

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Re: More of the same... (trigs, SH, Sui)
« Reply #19 on: September 26, 2018, 10:30:31 PM »
I'm sorry to hear that you're still feeling bad but I'm glad that you're getting some support. Maybe it's a working a little bit if you felt better when you left?  ::-\: Try and remember that next time you consider not going.  :hug1:
RIP Columbus :bunny: :1027:
August 22nd 2018