**TRIG Sui, death**
I’ve still got this feeling that I am nearing the end of my life. Now my holiday is over I’m left wondering how many more things I have left to experience. Will I be here for Christmas? How many more times will I see my family? Friends?
I’m scared of what the actual end will be like. Will it be scary? Painful? Will I go quickly?
I think chances are my cause of death will be suicide. I need to think it through properly. Put plans in place, but it’s scary. I don’t know how to do this.
I see my recovery worker tomorrow afternoon and then my CPN and psych on Wednesday. I’ll say all this stuff to them, but I don’t feel it will change anything.