Author Topic: 15 year old daugher not engaging with help  (Read 309 times)

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Offline mmej

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15 year old daugher not engaging with help
« on: July 18, 2018, 03:10:08 PM »
Hi- I'm new to the forum. My daughter who is 14 years old  has been self harming for about 9 months  and it is getting more frequent. She started her periods just before her 12th birthday. From my insistence she saw the GP and is on the waiting list for CAMHS (waiting list 9 months). We also arranged for an assessment by a private psychiatrist and she is currently seeing a counsellor (the second one).  She was diagnosed with anxiety related disorder, high self expectations,  depersonalisation and risk of depression. My concern is that she is not engaging with the counsellor (this is her second one) on the issues that bother her. Throughout this time she has been very cynical/dismissive about treatment and believes she knows more. We are a close family and are comfortable talking about almost everything but as soon as her dad and I go anywhere near her issues Ė she stops talking. She also refers to conversations we had in the past and takes the meaning out of context, undermining and deliberately pushing us away. The self harming has been increasing since November and  a few days ago I came across a photo of her -  her left arm was totally covered by cut marks. I have seen  scatches and cut marks on her arm before but never to this extent. There are also marks on her inner and outer thighs. I feel shattered and heartbroken that my daughter hurts herself in this way and we donít know how to help her.  Her counsellor does not disclose any details of her counselling sessions but I feel my daughter is getting worse. When I speak to her I try not to concentrate too much on the self harming and be as normal as possible but at the same time I am very concerned about the possibility of an infection from the cuts. We feel so helpless that we cannot do more to support her. Any help/advice is appreciated.

Offline Vermilion

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Re: 15 year old daugher not engaging with help
« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2018, 04:27:50 PM »
Sometimes when someone is going through counselling things can get a bit worse for a while, people can get defensive sometimes too because the counsellor is challenging beliefs that they've had for years which is tricky to deal with. That could be the case here but unfortunately if she's not engaging you can't force her. You could try contacting the counsellor about her behaviour so that the counsellor can address it in sessions.

Re the SH, you can't stop her doing it but you can supply a first aid kit for her so that she can take care of the wounds properly. A supply of dressing pads, tape, bandages, antiseptic etc and maybe encourage her to read some info in basic first aid- there's a thread here about first aid .http://nshn.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=219.0 .

Other than that the best thing to do is be there. Being there doesn't always mean talking about her problems but simply drinking a cuppa together, watching a film, playing a game etc.

Good luck.  :hug2:
RIP Clyde - November 25th 2018
RIP Bonnie - November 24th 2018
RIP Columbus - August 22nd 2018
:bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :1027:

Offline mmej

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Re: 15 year old daugher not engaging with help
« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2018, 06:44:46 PM »
Thank you for your advice. It means alot to me. I am also looking at the other posts from other parents. It is so sad but I am trying to stay strong for her. I have put together a 1st aid kit for her to use when she needs to. Counselling has ended for the summer holidays so she will have no safe place to talk her issues through which worries me. She has made it clear that I can't be the one to help her. The good news is that for everything else she still comes to me - chit chat, venting, money, clothes, books, food...etc. I just wish I could help her more.

Online Tucan

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Re: 15 year old daugher not engaging with help
« Reply #3 on: July 18, 2018, 08:11:31 PM »
It can be hard to engage with parents sometimes as you worry you are letting them down. do talk to her consellor about any concerns you may have.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline mmej

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Re: 15 year old daugher not engaging with help
« Reply #4 on: July 18, 2018, 08:48:31 PM »
I understand that and respect her wishes. I guess I was wishing and expecting that after more than 6 months of counselling she would start to improve and she would feel less need to  self harm. I have already spoken to her counsellor but she will not divulge too much other than to tell me that my daughter seems is engaging well and tackling some issues (which I already know about). So I do not understand why the cutting seems to increase in quanity and frequency. My daughter is a very intelligent high achieving student and I cannot help but think that she may be skirting round the issues - though her counsellor does not seem to think so.

Anyway, I just want to thank everyone who has already and in advance for responding to my post. Your advice keeps me sane.

Online Tucan

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Re: 15 year old daugher not engaging with help
« Reply #5 on: July 19, 2018, 08:31:23 AM »
Self harm is a difficult issue to deal with. You are doing well.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline Vermilion

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Re: 15 year old daugher not engaging with help
« Reply #6 on: July 19, 2018, 10:59:48 AM »
It sounds like you're doing everything that you can but things often get worse before they get better. For the holidays you could see if any MH charities have any groups she can attend or some might have counsellors she could see. See if they offer long term support too, the NHS MH services are not great so it's best to have other support too is possible.
RIP Clyde - November 25th 2018
RIP Bonnie - November 24th 2018
RIP Columbus - August 22nd 2018
:bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :1027: