Author Topic: Iím ok, but....  (Read 2371 times)

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Offline terrified heart

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Re: Iím ok, but....
« Reply #10 on: April 05, 2018, 07:46:10 PM »
Thanks Tucan x

Iím really tired and bad tempered. I was already in a vile mood because so much had gone wrong by the time I got to work at 9am. I had overslept so had very little time to get ready, my fringe was sticking up all over the place and I couldnít tame it, couldnít find a free parking space anywhere so had to pay to use a car park. Itís all little things I know, but just left me thinking that I donít belong in this world, that I canít cope, and that I hate life.

Iím tired because I keep getting obsessed in the evenings with internet shopping and spend hours looking for different stuff to buy and end up going to sleep way later than I had planned. Then I get really angry with myself but I canít seem to get a grip on stopping myself. Mostly I donít actually buy anything (just look at items but donít order them), but Iíve also spent way too much money recently on online shopping too. Some of it isnít even stuff that I essentially need, just things that I wanted to buy, including a new washing machine despite the fact my old one was fine. I very almost tried to arrange to buy a £8,800 car last night, but luckily it didnít go through. Iím such an idiot.

I donít know what it is about me that finds this being alive stuff so difficult.
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Online Tucan

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Re: Iím ok, but....
« Reply #11 on: April 05, 2018, 08:50:13 PM »
Is there anyone you can talk to about all of this? Maybe your meds need altering.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


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Offline terrified heart

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Re: Iím ok, but....
« Reply #12 on: April 10, 2018, 12:58:10 PM »
Iím at a bit of a loss with what to do about my MH....

So CMHT discharged me because I was doing well (which I understand and agreed with). But I was told I could be fast tracked back if my MH went down hill. Which it has. So I got myself referred back, and they said they thought primary care would be better suited to help me out. They made it sound like I would get some kind of support worker and an indefinite amount of support.

I went to my first appointment yesterday and the lady told me they can only see people 6 times, so Iíve got 5 more times I can see her. How the hell will that help?? Iíve been under psychiatric services for 23 years, I donít think seeing someone for 30 minutes 6 times will be of any benefit at all??? The lady admitted that CMHT has been scaled back and they have discharged loads of people over the last year. She said you can only be under them if youíre severely unwell and in crisis now. Which is all well and good, but isnít it better to help stop people getting into crisis??? Primary care lady said I should speak about it with my GP.

I know this sounds silly, because I know Iím not that unwell at the moment, but I feel a bit abandoned and at risk. I feel scared that things might get bad and there will be no help. Iím still having suicidal thoughts quite regularly and I get so stressed and panicky
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Online Tucan

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Re: Iím ok, but....
« Reply #13 on: April 10, 2018, 01:14:51 PM »
Ouch bless you. Sounds like you really need the support at the moment. 6 sessions won't be enough. Bless you. I am unsure what to say. I am shocked. With how poorly you have been recently. Bless you.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


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Offline Rob

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Re: Iím ok, but....
« Reply #14 on: April 10, 2018, 01:32:47 PM »
With such a long history, it would seem wise to adopt a prophylactic approach. It might be worth talking about it with your GP and voice your concerns and see what they have to say? Many support services seem to be going that way unfortunately, (even within GP's surgeries, receptionists are getting trained to assess whether a GP appointment is necessary or that there might be other medical staff that can help instead), but at least being able to have that dialogue with your GP can address issues before you reach crisis point - and your GP cannot just let things deteriorate, and that is a valuable avenue of support.
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Offline terrified heart

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Re: Iím ok, but....
« Reply #15 on: April 10, 2018, 05:42:36 PM »
Thanks both x

All the GPs at my surgery are really good, but I just donít feel that the GP system is designed for long term MH support. I feel bad that I book a 10 minute slot (because thatís all Iím able to book) but regularly take up a good half hour of their time. Last time I went I just sat and cried for about 10 minutes without even talking. She was lovely and said to take my time, but I was very aware from waiting for my own appointment that she was already running late and had a room full of people waiting.

I do understand that the NHS need to save money and Iím aware we are very lucky to be able to access health care for free in this country, but these cuts to MH seem like such a false economy. Surely the money they are saving on routine MH support they end up paying more for in crisis support, hospital admissions and GP appointments????? Itís really sad because the MH team in this town have been amazing with me in the 10yrs Iíve lived here, and I know that this lack of support has nothing to do with the staff, and everything to do with government cuts.

Iím going to try to see my GP at some point to talk it through.
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Offline Rob

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Re: Iím ok, but....
« Reply #16 on: April 10, 2018, 06:48:24 PM »
Everywhere is getting streamlined. GPs are expected to manage more conditions than before and must therefore adapt. But that doesn't mean that they aren't there to provide you with support and guidance whenever necessary. Your GP obviously realises that you're not there to waste their time, and that in spite of your struggles over the years, you've been able to accomplish a lot, so they'll keep trying.

Talk to your GP at some point.
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Online Tucan

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Re: Iím ok, but....
« Reply #17 on: April 10, 2018, 06:57:34 PM »
Good luck with the GP.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


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Offline terrified heart

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Re: Iím ok, but....
« Reply #18 on: April 11, 2018, 11:38:37 PM »
I feel very down today.

I hate this person I am at the moment. This is not the real me. I know Iím not really this hard and heartless, but I canít seem to stop acting this way. Itís like Iím looking to pick a fight with everyone yet I have no idea why I would want to do that. There is this huge feeling of anger towards nothing in particular that is making me snappy with everyone for no reason. But then there is also a feeling of wanting to be shown love and affection.

I keep saying things that need sorting Ďif I donít come back tomorrowí when I leave work and they are like why wouldnít you come back? And I say, well you know in case I die or something. And I keep saying things about how we donít know when our time will be up and how we could be dead tomorrow. And itís true, but I guess not something people want me to bring up all the time, but I canít help it. I canít stop thinking that I might be dead soon and I try not to say these thoughts out loud but they keep slipping out. And every night when Iím about to go to sleep I think that there is a chance I could die in the night and I donít know why I keep thinking this.

I tried to get a routine GP appointment but thereís none available for a few weeks at the moment, but Iíll keep looking online because I know they repost cancellations and also add new ones every few days.
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Online Tucan

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Re: Iím ok, but....
« Reply #19 on: April 12, 2018, 08:43:15 AM »
 :hug2: I am not sure what to say but I am listening to you.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


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