worried mummy

[Dragonfly101]

My son is 12 years old has moved up to secondary school in September In January he was having trouble controlling his anxiety and told his dad he would just hurt himself and then it would be better. We contacted school and was advised to take him to GP if worried about MH  We spoke to him and he refused point blank to see anyone as he finds it hard to talk to strangers. I have spent a lot of time with him talking about how we deal with emotions, giving him safe space without fear of getting told off to express himself and he has been so calm . Then last night he told me that he had hurt himself *scratched his thigh* he felt so much better afterwards, there was seemingly no trigger as had been happy earlier in the evening. I've made a GP appointment  Not sure what else to do.......?

[Tucan]

Sounds like you are doing all you can do. It is good that h has managed to talk to you about it.

[beanobob]

Hi Dragonfly, I'm with you! Well done for making a GP appointment and I would also say, contact school and let the Year 7 Pastoral Support person know and then keep in regular contact. My situation is a similar, my daughter is 13 and very reserved and finds it very difficult to speak to people she doesn't know. However, I did manage to get her to the GP when I first found out and school have given good support. She sees the school nurse when she is in (not often) and the pupil manager for Year 8 has been great and they have got to know each other over time. My daughter is now under CAMHS as it all escalated after Christmas and I've recently found out about other support available, one to one confidence building sessions that can be run in school, outdoor activities and NHS support for myself through MindMatters. However, I only found this all out last week. After ages of googling and finding nothing, I talked to the CAMHS counsellor after she had finished with my daughter and she told me about these other services (we are in Lancashire). Its so difficult because you don't know the questions to ask or what to ask for when its all so new and shocking. Good luck, try to keep pushing and asking for help. Our situation is far from resolved, we are right in the middle of it and but I always feel better when I DO something practical, like make an appointment or phone a service etc. Keep in touch.

[Bea]

Hi Dragonfly
You've done the right thing making an appointment, the system is not easy to navigate and waiting lists etc mean that sometimes you can be waiting a long time for appointments.
In the meantime have you tried talking about distraction with your son? This is finding things that he could do when he gets the urge to hurt himself.  Some people make boxes with little activities that they can choose from, or have a few distraction strategies, for example - if he feels like hurting himself- he plays a video game for 20 minutes, or reads a book, does a puzzle, kicks a ball round in the garden or something that appeals to him, that might just take the edge off the urge.
I had an agreement with my boy, that if he didn't want to speak to me about it, but he wanted me to know how he was feeling he could text me (even if we were in the same room)
It's not an easy thing to bear when your child is hurting, so make sure you look after yourself too.  You can always talk on here x