ADULTS WHO SELF HARM

[JennyGeddes]

So much of the advice and info on self harming assumes that the self harmer is young.  What to do about a 44 year old who self harms?

[Tucan]

Many people on this forum have jobs so self harm can effect adults also.

[hidden tears]

You’ll find there’s lots of adults on here who self harm.

To some extent I think the advice is similar whatever the age:
- letting them know you are there for them, both to talk and just to be/do normal things
- recognising that the self harm is usually a result of underlying issues and therefore simply tying to tackle the self harm itself is rarely successful.
- looking for ways to minimise the self harm or make it safer (where, how etc) or using alternatives (what works is individual and will depend on what someone achieves through self harm - but strenuous exercise, ice, chewing ginger/chillies, punch bag, talking it out with someone, colouring.....to name a few)
- help build self esteem.....when people feel better about themselves they are less likely hurt themselves.

The best thing for me is to have supportive people around me who I trust enough to reach out to in the difficult times.....and that’s as true for me now at 30 as it was when I was a teenager. So don’t underestimate how much of an impact caring can be, though I appreciate that it’s not always easy.

[JennyGeddes]

Thank you, that is most helpful.  Part of what both I  and the person I care for struggle with is that the common perception is that it affects young people - this makes him feel worse, immature, etc.  I have written to several mental health organisations to ask them up review their advice leaflets to make it clear it affects all ages.  When one is older, it is also true that the practice of self harm is more embedded.  The person I care for not only has 30 years of self harming to overcome, but also has brain injury as a result that affects his concentration and gives him very bad headaches.  Medics just shrug their shoulders and suggest distraction techniques that do not work for him.
 

[hidden tears]

I think (from personal experience) some medics don’t know what to suggest within their limited resources. By no means an excuse, but a sad result of services being chronically under funded.

It’s a bit like smoking in a way I guess, in its addictive and habit forming nature. The longer you’ve done it the more second nature it is and the harder to stop.

 I suppose the other thing to consider is in order for help to be successful the person has to genuinely and 100% want to succeed at reducing/stopping the self harm. Ultimately no matter what help and support is offered its only the person themselves that can has the power to make change, and it only takes that resolve to lapse to a day, even an hour or a few minutes and it can all go wrong. But within that, having someone on your side who remains  supportive and positive and doesn’t give up on you is so helpful, and by the sounds of it that’s what you’re doing.

[JennyGeddes]

Thanks for your supportive comments.