Hi Guys,
I recently had a really awful experience at work.
I've been struggling with my MH recently, and have had a relapse. I was signed off work for two weeks, and work referred me through Occupational Health for private therapy sessions, I am also currently on NHS waiting list for CBT. I had my medications increased.
Work is important to me, and trying to "keep going" and "be strong" is also very important to me. There is so space in this world or my life for weakness.
However,
My emotions have been a bit out of control, I've cried at work a few times which is very embarrasing. I've had to go to the toilets and punch myself repeatedly to get out some of my anger, and some self induced vomiting.
I returned to work after the two weeks off, determined to be as normal as possible. I was doing great until I heard about something which really upset me - basically, I felt that a serious injustice was being done to some of my colleagues and felt that no-one else was able to confront the situation, so stupid headstrong me did. I wrote an email, challenging / querying the thing I felt to be unjust. The email I sent was polite and professional though - and i used the proper channels. A few days later I got pulled into a meeting with one of my managers to say that the email I sent had been taken very badly, it was thought that I was disrespectful and the people involved were 'offended'. They suggested to me that I had sent the email because I was "over emotional" and that I wasn't well enough to be in work. It was VERY strongly recommended that I take time off to "get better".
This really upset and angered me, it felt like my (very legitimate) query / question / complaint (however you want to word it) was being ignored and whitewashed with a "well, she is unbalanced".
I went home from work that day, and stayed off the next two days, thinking things over. But I decided, I wasn't being labelled or pushed out, I wasn't too ill to be there, and they couldn't tell me otherwise. So I went back in on Monday with my head held high. I took extra care with my clothes and makeup all week, and I worked extra hours on two days this week just to show how well I am.
The thing is, I havn't yet seen either of the two women (who are my managers in a sense - they are a grade above me, and one of them is my development worker) who were so offended by my email. I have to work quite closely with one of them, and I am anxious about our first meeting when she returns from annual leave. She had previously been very supportive about my MH issues but she had also got me into trouble once before (she told me about a change in manager for a few of our colleagues, I then told said colleagues they would get a new manager, and she then flat out denied she ever told me that - which she 100% did).
I guess I'm just looking for a bit of support, words of advice about what to say to her. Do I acknoledge the whole issues? I know they will likely expect me to apologise, but I refuse to apologise for something I don't think was wrong.