Author Topic: *trig sui/sh*  (Read 1581 times)

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Offline piglet

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*trig sui/sh*
« on: March 21, 2015, 12:18:17 AM »
Hi I'm am new here today, I have been through hell and back for a long time and then some I all started when I was just a young girl, mum was in a violent marriage and he was an abusive towards us children in lots of different ways won't put pictures in head but any way after about 5yrs my other siblings leaving my mum finally got a grip and left for the last time we had run away from him but she always went back, I was 11 when we did leave was homeless I emptied my bank account of 850to make sure that we could get a hotel room for a few days and deposit on bedsit yeah I really hard saver still am lol but. I got a bf at 14 he was 21 , guess what he is father to my 3eldest children and was abusive has a affair with my best mate I got rid of him pregnant with my 3i was 19 yr old only I did it on my own for a while I then get with a who I thought was a great guy I know at this point in time I didn't have feelings towards men but he asked and was kind so why not can't get any worse can it yes it did he raped me and I feel pregnant again my 4th but I didn't know what to do with it where to turn or who too so I turned to a friend and. A man id known for many years he had already found out from the him what he had done he had coughed up about it I was going to leave him but how when it was a night when my mum and step dad came to celebrate my dads birthday I was cooking for them he had told me to go to bed I said no go alone my mum looked at me confused at first but she glanced over as he left the room she said it was not right for me to be spoken and treated like that I told her I had to get him to go and leave he came back down within a hour and said r u coming to bed or shall I just go I told him to leave I actually felt strong enough to do it while I was in company and safe he went but after a month of me hiding what happened I came out with it was a huge relief my sister said no way would he do that lol thanks for the support sis , I went to police I got no where had my daughter in the July I had to take it to court but no I was made to be a lier no matter how hard I have tried to deal with that I never had I ended up bk with the ex-husband at least he didn't hurt me right no he had just got worse over time and no was hitting me he demanded that I had a sterilization I would not dare say no he had a good hold over me for 2yrs again I left him mental health a tatters I tried to call a day on my life I was worthy of nothing and nobody not even my children I was admitted into hospital for it 3times before I was put into a mental hospital 3 months whilst he planned how he could destroy me more for refusing to get back together with him I met my now wife yes I finally found the one who is the one who made me look at my own feelings for other females and ask questions id never got to ask myself id had a few one nighters while between bf ect but not someone who made it so clear to me and she was my rock that everyone said wouldn't last because we both have issues from the past I told my parents who I really was but our being a item made my ex so mad with me he lied to my Dr in hospital promised that I would go back home and take care of the children I was so ready for it I had even done a parents class while in hospital to prepare me by all he had said I came out and before I took over the children completely he,sent me to my home town to visit my family id not seen in a yr or so but the very day I got there he had been to court and took the children away from me said I was a danger to him and them now I was homeless again and my baby's taken just because I would not give into his demands when he finally got the hint I would not give into him he called said that by 10am the next morning that they will be alone unless I get there for them I couldn't because I would have been breaking the law my gosh what do I do I had to ask my mum and dad to take care of them for me I broke me even more than before I was again lost in my way held up by my partner only whilst they had the kids and we went bk to court he refused to hand them to me that only he and my mum could have residency mum had to live in my home for a while before it gets sorted mum promised she's going to fight my corner and pass them back asap within the yr her own words 8yrs on from then I still have not got all home just one when he turned 14yrs old just last Nov but the others have been told that they will have to be 14 and grown up before they can come back home I refuse to move the house its the kids home and I am not going to lose that for them no matter how much extra money I have to pay it is there only safe haven in all of the yrs this is where they can sleep through the entire night without lights apart from my eldest who is already home he suffering from issues himself now from so much hurt from his father over the years he remarried now divorced again because of his violence again but I am still with the one who has stood with me through my hardest times and I through hers we have both got disabilities with our own limited ways of working out the world but as a pair we make a whole we have our times when we get bad at the moment it's me I have had it out,again with my mum about the children she put me down again and again I have started self harming its a vicious circle of getting better and then down again but now I don't seek help from the services they don't want to know they made it perfectly clear last time I did asked that I am unhelp able  now gezz hard to hear that from someone who is a professional but that is what they say about me I will never get better than I am in stuck in the way I am for ever is it worth fighting for myself I really don't know what awnser anymore, but you have it its how I am to be where I am its not been easy to write all this and those who read to the end thanks it means alot that I know there's others that know what the story is about me and maybe one day I will read your story and be able to help you by just being here to read it and reply in a honestly positive way too help you. Piglet x

Offline xxbroken_angel_xx

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Re: *trig sui/sh*
« Reply #1 on: March 21, 2015, 10:44:06 PM »
hey your story is so sad.  im sorry you had all that happen but listen you will get better even  if they say you cant.  prove them wrong.  and stay strong for the kids that are getting older so they can come home yea? they don't want to find out their mum died.  I know you have found it hard but its always worth fighting for xx hope you are ok and im always here if you need to talk xx