Author Topic: *trigSUI*  (Read 874 times)

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Offline EmmaLeigh

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« on: July 29, 2014, 08:47:00 AM »

Ok guys as I told you in my last story about me being bullied it is hard

Ok so I have a very rare anxiety n I can't remember what it is called anyways on the 24/7/14 when I was a year clean I had a really bad anxiety attack my breathing was irregular my heart beat was irregular n I got sent home  from school which I never do anyways I thinking about my bullies and about my past n about my grandad who sadly passed away in 2007 all them mixed together are NO good Thursday night I had no sleep just like last night ok....I often wonder what causes me not to have any sleep bullies?anxiety?missing my grandad? I often don't know...anyways Thursday night came i was so bad I was constant plaiting suicide/self harm but I didn't I wonder what I could do to take my mind of it play music?cry myself to sleep?write a letter? Anything todo to take my mind of it my mind went on overload I started thinking weather my family would be proud weather my grandma grandad an nana would be proud of me just anything I often wonder a lot of things so I decided....I'll go n look for my tool witch my mum took away from me on the 6/6/14 when I asked her for it all she said was in the bin I was gutted that tool was what I used over a year ago ok but now I think back I'm happy she got rid of it ok so I'm back thinking about my grandad about my family n about suicide I realise at that moment my brother couldn't speak to me at that time as he's in basic training n we were so close till he left so then I start thinking about that for like a hour at this point it's 3Am uk time so I decided I'd write a letter I don't know who to but I thought I'd do it for my grandad whilst that I had a song on called holding onto you basically the guy that sings it his mentally I'll on the course it says fight it take the pain ignite get a noose loose enough to breath tie it you belong to me I've got news for you,you must obey me At that part if the song my thoughts went a little less n my mind concentrated on my grandad at witch I became more suicidal but I didn't do anything I just write this letter as my letter came to an end I put it safe...

I'm so glad at this moment in time that I didn't do anything that night... ;D not only that I've found out I'm going on holiday it's brightened me up abit.... :3