Author Topic: slipping *sh/sui/od/ed*  (Read 1094 times)

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Offline squiggle

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slipping *sh/sui/od/ed*
« on: April 20, 2012, 10:16:03 PM »
i know i'm slipping. i'm stressed, i'm anxious, there are more and more negative thoughts creeping back in, i'm desperate to sh just for some sort of temporary relief. i'm not doing well at home, i hate it here. i'm arguing with my parents, everything p**es me off, since i came out of ip they've been treating me like i'm 5. but i'm 21.
they told me if i started feeling like this again i needed to tell someone immediately and get evaluated, rather than letting things build up (which last time ended in a week in the ICU and 3 months on a psych ward). but i can't afford to tell people at the moment. i've just started a new job having not worked since november. i had my psych review last week and they told me i was doing really well. i'm scared. because i know things are slipping and i don't know what i can do about it.
i'm hearing funny things, my mind is playing tricks on me, i'm imagining things that haven't happened, i don't know whats real and what isn't. i'm confused, and i'm scared, and i just want to hide. ed thoughts are reappearing. fantastic. but the ed service told me that my case was too complex for them to take on.
i wish they'd let me die. another 15 minutes, that's all it would have taken. it was entirely my fault, i brought that upon myself and they still managed to save me. but Calum, turned 20 the day before, it was a freak accident, it was not his fault at all, and they couldn't save him. how could they save me when i wanted to die, and yet they couldn't save him?
The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser - in case you thought optimism was dead.
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Offline yrangelion

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Re: slipping *sh/sui/od/ed*
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2012, 09:20:06 PM »
here if you want a chat!  :hug2: x
when you feel like giving up, think of all the reasons you've held on for so long!! :)