Author Topic: What has helped you?  (Read 14512 times)

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lizzy

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Re: What has helped you?
« Reply #10 on: March 26, 2010, 08:13:57 PM »
I have some great friends but my daughter's problems are too complicated for them to understand. They simply cannot know the anguish we as carers feel and so it is easier not to talk to them. I have had some counselling which helps at the time and my logical brain feels better for a time but then the emotions of guilt, fear, overwhelming love for your child and sheer helplessness rush in.

Like emily'sdad I have been in very dark ,low places myself which strangely sometimes helps me to support her. I know that things do get better and change.

I try very hard to remember times when she smiles or laughs, it happens most days, and I remember that she is my wonderful, beautiful amazing girl who has problems and not the problem herself.

And sometimes I just let it go - I cry and shout , when no one else is here, and then I stop and try to move forward.

Go with what ever works for you!

Offline happy girl

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Re: What has helped you?
« Reply #11 on: June 18, 2010, 12:22:55 AM »
Removing myself from people and situations that have caused me stress has been good for me.
Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger....

more_or_less

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Re: What has helped you?
« Reply #12 on: June 07, 2011, 08:43:15 PM »
I took a course on mindfulness meditation and that gave me a way of coping.  It took weeks before I could just accept how I was feeling.  It hasn't changed anything at all practically, it's just given me a way of accepting it. You just kind of acknowledge your feelings, and that helps hugely.

I agree that other people can find it really difficult to cope with, so it can be almost impossible to talk it out.  You can see all too clearly when you've gone too far and the person you're talking to is just not able to cope with their own feelings of revulsion. It can make you feel even more isolated sometimes.  There's also the problem of overload - there can be so much that has happened, or is going on simultaneously, that other people just look totally phased out: they can't offer advice or connect it to their own experience at all.

So, thank goodness for these forums then!

Offline Comfort Blanket

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Re: What has helped you?
« Reply #13 on: June 22, 2011, 09:58:13 PM »
I second that!  Although for a long time I just read these posts without joining in, as it just seemed like too much to handle.  I guess I felt so isolated for a long time - my daughter - rightly so - was getting lots of support from CAMHS but I was getting nothing and didn't know where/who to turn to.
I did see a counsellor (non-specialist) for a while which I guess helped a bit for talking things through with someone I didn't know or love therefore didn't feel guilty towards burdening them with it all.  I actually said things to her that I have never been able to say to my friends or family for that reason. I did start to feel a bit more positive, and accepting rather than denying things. This puts me in a better frame of mind to be able to help my daughter. It's true if you can do that it gets it out of you rather than building up - otherwise we might all end up in the same place!

Don't be afraid to cry even if there's no shoulder to do it on. It really is better out than in.

Offline Worried Mum

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Re: What has helped you?
« Reply #14 on: January 06, 2013, 01:05:13 PM »
I have some great friends but my daughter's problems are too complicated for them to understand. They simply cannot know the anguish we as carers feel and so it is easier not to talk to them. I have had some counselling which helps at the time and my logical brain feels better for a time but then the emotions of guilt, fear, overwhelming love for your child and sheer helplessness rush in.

Like emily'sdad I have been in very dark ,low places myself which strangely sometimes helps me to support her. I know that things do get better and change.

I try very hard to remember times when she smiles or laughs, it happens most days, and I remember that she is my wonderful, beautiful amazing girl who has problems and not the problem herself.

And sometimes I just let it go - I cry and shout , when no one else is here, and then I stop and try to move forward.


Sums it up for me exactly. It's like you've read my mind. 2012 was such a bad year emotionally for my family and healthwise for me - I can't help but think that the emotional turmoil is contributing to the physical symptoms too.
And I've just realised that my son is also self harming - has done for years but I didn't class it as such - punching himself, picking fights with people so they punch him, hitting things out of frustration and anger to the point where all his knuckles are damaged, jumping out of windows just because he can......
So why do I feel guilty? Because I can't do anything to stop it and I feel like I'm a contributing factor and I'm not in control of anything that happens anymore in my own home.

 :confused:
Taking each day as it comes.

Offline lostmum

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Re: What has helped you?
« Reply #15 on: December 03, 2013, 08:28:29 PM »
Talking to people. I found this site helpful. Also I found it helpful to talk to my daughter who's the person going through it. I was lucky that we're close enough to do that and it took some time before she would talk but at least then I knew where she was with herself.
If you need to have cry, have one. It can be frustrating trying to support someone and it helps to release that frustration.

Offline Bliss

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Re: What has helped you?
« Reply #16 on: May 31, 2015, 05:39:02 PM »
I am new to this site, and have just recently discovered that my daughter is self harming.

This is a very recent thing which began at the start of this year. When she showed me the scars the first time, I didn't really believe it. They were so small and barely visible that I thought she was exaggerating a scratch. Since then, I have seen 5 large, red marks over her forearm.

My worry is that she is gaining confidence to do it again and go further and deeper. She was already attending CAMHS when this began, but I don't think its doing much good and I know that they can discharge children even when they are still self-harming.

The thing that worries me most is that I, as a parent am so isolated from everything. I don't know what is going on. I feel ostracised. I don't know the cause, triggers .. nothing! My daughter won't talk to me and the worst thing like many of you have already stated is the helplessness.

It disheartens me to hear that there is little help and support out there.  I had to write a formal letter to the CAMHS service just to get them to speak to me.

Offline melody70

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Re: What has helped you?
« Reply #17 on: November 03, 2015, 03:22:11 PM »
I have never posted anything before, so I am new to this. My daughter now 14, has self harmed for about eighteen months on and off, its been a very difficult period for her and all us around her. It has been a very isolating time waiting to see CAMHS for CBT (as it took her 8 months to be referred). Having this site to visit, has helped me as a parent.

Offline JennyGeddes

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Re: What has helped you?
« Reply #18 on: March 12, 2018, 05:20:45 PM »
I find when I talk to others about my caring experience, they are very supportive, until I mention the self harming.  No-one seems to have anything helpful to say about this.  Some people regard it as selfish and think I should be more distant from it.  Not only do I feel that is uncaring, I also could not do it.