Author Topic: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms  (Read 36485 times)

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Offline Worried Mum

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #20 on: January 05, 2013, 10:27:00 PM »
Someone sent this to me the other day when I couldn't stay silent anymore. It does help a bit but atoll can't help feeling that everything is my fault.
Taking each day as it comes.

Offline CARPEDIEM

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #21 on: October 07, 2013, 11:55:51 AM »
thank you, it helped me understand my daughters Sh .  I just wish it didn't break my heart to see her like this :'(

Offline EMF

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #22 on: November 21, 2013, 09:33:39 PM »
The lighthouse analogy has made so much sense of what I'm feeling at the moment. My son is struggling and whilst we are seeing the GP, crisis team and have a second hospital appointment coming up, I feel so helpless, scared and overwhelmed,                   I just want to make him better. Reading this has - apart from making me cry - given me something to work on. Thank you.

Offline skippylamb

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #23 on: January 14, 2014, 11:44:57 PM »
" really, I don't think there is any support out there for carers in our situation"

sadly i have to agree with this.
 A positive note what helps ... As a mum of a s'hing teenage girl.
1. Through sites like this you are not alone.
2. However hard it is try to accept that you didn't cause it and you cant stop it but you can help to change it but just being there and being supportive, calm and non judgemental.
3. Accepting that they will do it so don't take their tools away, try to come to an understanding about both making sure tools and cuts are clean and 'safe'
4. Dont beat yourself up if you have the occasional breakdown!
5. Keep trying to keep lines of communication open no matter how many times you get knocked back, sometimes you are only being pushed away to see if you are strong enough to carry them and yourself through a period where they are struggling to cope.
6. Dont be afraid of carrying on as normal, difficult sometimes i know but your child will not want this to dominate everything either.
7. Find a place where your child can go where you know they will be safe, a family or friend perhaps and give yourself a break every now and again so you can recharge and be stronger for longer.
8. Remember as a parent we know our children, be strong with others who offer help but make rash judgements after spending little time with your child. They may be professionals but you know your child and your the one dealing with ig 24/7.
9. Shout, shout and shout again, you will need to to get any help! :(
10. Love them, be strong for them and just keep going you are probably doing better than you think!!

hope this helps at least one person.

Offline manic-mummy

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #24 on: February 18, 2014, 08:18:51 AM »
Really helpful post especially after the weekend that we've just had - thank you

Offline skippylamb

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #25 on: February 18, 2014, 03:28:32 PM »
Glad it helped. Hope you are ok and you need a chat let me know. Take care xx

Offline manic-mummy

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #26 on: February 19, 2014, 05:15:08 PM »
Thanks Melody thing have settled down abit again my girlie seems to have had a good couple of days she met up with a friend yesterday which I think helped and we've been looking at colleges today and trying to make a plan for the future which seems to have been a positive thing to be concentrating on.  My hubby suffers from depression also which adds some strain to family life (he's not been too good recently) so reading the Three C's helped all round as I do tend to feel like it's me that's somehow done something wrong and maybe I could have done things differently which might have changed things - natural reaction I suppose

Offline syntheticghost

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #27 on: September 18, 2014, 11:41:51 PM »
Thank you :)

Offline Jillyemma

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #28 on: June 18, 2015, 08:28:19 PM »
Thanks, this is my first visit here and I am needing to hear this.

Grateful for your post

 :creature:

Offline skippylamb

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #29 on: June 18, 2015, 09:31:59 PM »
Well I've not been here for sometime, battling on as you do but actually making slow but steady progress! :) just read back my 10 pointers and i cant believe I wrote something that reading it myself I find helpful and especially at that time! I'm so glad some of you are also finding the points helpful. A year and a half on we are still fighting, guess we always will but it I getting easier. My daughter now instead of pushing me away now realises I am strong enough and that when things get tough she can rely on me to take the strain. She will now talk to me, usually over messages but as I said before any way you can communicate is a plus. She did excellent in her G.C.S.E's getting A's and B's, is working part time and has just completed her first year of A levels! She has even dipped her toe into the mine field that is relationships!!!!! AND ... THE MOST MOMENTOUS OF ALL, the other day she was cleaning her room and brought me her 'tools' "I'm sick of these now mum!"  Now I'm not naive enough to know this is it we are threw it and we all live happily ever after but every day I wake now not worrying what I may find when I walk in her room to wake her but smile to hear her singing!  So for all of you out there scared to hope, please don't ever give up hope. Keep hoping, keep loving, keep on fighting, keep on being strong and supportive and keep on believing in yourself and your child ... Progress can be made :)