Author Topic: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms  (Read 36502 times)

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Jane Alison

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #10 on: August 15, 2009, 10:14:34 AM »
Thank you for that, it's made me think more about how my family might be feeling.

MmeAC

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #11 on: September 02, 2009, 11:02:40 PM »
I have just joined at wit's end about a loved one and amidst (another) emotional debate about how to help her, and this was the first post I saw. I immediately texted it to the other person trying to help and it was like a break in the clouds. Thank you. best night's sleep for both of us in a while  :angel:
x

Pearson

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #12 on: September 15, 2009, 06:48:54 AM »
This is a great thread. Be a lighthouse! I like that

Offline billy

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #13 on: November 22, 2009, 06:40:24 PM »
i had never hurd that befor its good thanks  :hug1:
"evrything can be recycled except time!"

"evrything will be ok in the end
if its not ok
its not the end!"

"remember when we were YOUNG and couldn't wait to grow up? ...WOW, what the hell were we thinking!?!?"

Miss S

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #14 on: December 14, 2009, 04:00:56 PM »
Can I suggest another "C"

Carry on loving them    surely it's one of the things that gives some hope to any SH, I hope it does for my son  xx

MrsB

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #15 on: January 13, 2010, 09:55:10 PM »
Thank you so much for this post, it has given me great comfort. I have recently posted about my sister in the friends and family forum, if anyone has a second to read and comment I would really appreciate your opinions xxxx

lizzy

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #16 on: February 19, 2010, 01:26:42 PM »
Thankyou so much for this post it is so hard to remember this. But seeing it written down helps to keep some self esteem.

Offline secretsmile

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #17 on: April 14, 2010, 08:37:54 AM »
Going to use the c's for my parents, thankyou.
That which does not kill us makes us stronger
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Offline Patti43

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #18 on: May 09, 2012, 03:06:43 PM »
This used to be in this room on the old site, and I think some people find it helpful, so will re-post.

These are three C's to remember, when somebody you care about self-harms:

I didn't cause it

I can't control it

I can't cure it.

This seems to be good advice,as i am new to this site and a parent whose son SH's thank you it has helped a bit  :)
You may well trigger someone's SH, but that's not the same thing as causing it. OK. You're having a really bad day at the office. You know the kind of day, when everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. Someone saunters through your office and remarks on how wonderfully their life is going. You retort 'Bully for you'. Now, the someone who walked through your office didn't cause your retort, but they did trigger it.

You can help someone towards the most helpful path when they are SHing, but you can't control their actions. Lighthouses don't get up off their point, and start screaming at ships that there are rocks around, even though they know that they're there. They just keep on being the best lighthouses that they can be: the ships have to choose whether they will be guided by them or not.

You are not a therapist. Even if you are a therapist, it is not your job to cure the SH of someone you love. Don't try to be one. It won't help you, or the person you love (who may end up feeling even more guilty etc for not being able to respond to you).

Should stress that these were not my idea but taken from a book, called *Stop walking on eggshells* by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger.

Someone added a fourth C, which was 'carry on regardless' - a very good idea, in my opinion *flower*

xx M xx

Offline rachel31

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Re: The three C's, for when someone you care about self-harms
« Reply #19 on: November 20, 2012, 10:16:57 PM »
thanks that really helped  :) loved the lighthouse reference  :)