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Here and Now Room / Re: just want to SH *trig SH ED alcohol
« Last post by purplebutterfly on Yesterday at 08:24:34 AM »
2 days. Done quite well.
Bit of a frustrating GP visit Wednesday. Couldnít express myself clearly cause all was confused in my head. But was able to tell my other half, and going to write stuff down for next time.
Did practise and teaching and a bit of walking.
No SH for a whole 2days!

Today .... not feeling good. No real reason which I find hard. Not used to fluctuations in emotion. Trying to let it ride but feel I ought to do stuff. Kind of want to too. But want some comfort and SH gives me that.

Going to try not to. But not sure how long I can last. Teaching in an hour.

So, open curtains, put in last load of laundry, get out flute.
Here and Now Room / Re: Sad
« Last post by Terri on January 16, 2019, 11:47:34 PM »
Hey TH.

I know you said your care has been stepped down, but do you think you could call one of your support team and tell them how you're feeling? Not necessarily about the SH if you don't want to, but about the negative thoughts etc? They may be able to offer you some suggestions on what you can put in place to stop things from escalating like they have done before.

I hear you. I can really understand the not wanting to deal with any aspect of life. I hope you're able to manage them. I think work have been supportive in the past? Would you feel able to talk to anyone there?
Here and Now Room / Re: Sad
« Last post by terrified heart on January 16, 2019, 11:41:28 PM »
Thank you xx

Yeah itís horrible feeling to be restless. My mind is going 100mph with negative thoughts and emotions.

I SHíd. Itís only tiny and wonít cause any lasting damage, but meh. The pain is nice. Itís comforting. I want to do more now though. Bigger, more extreme. Iím going to try hard not to. This is small and not even worth mentioning to anyone or stop me donating blood. Anything more would be too risky. I feel like smoking cigarettes, which is not something I do expect for a handful of times when Iíve been unwell.

Iím worried this is the beginning of something bad. These thoughts and feelings seem to surface around January and have ended up really bad by Feb/March. My head is telling me some horrid things, painting a picture of a horrible time ahead.

I donít want to go to work tomorrow. I donít want to deal with any aspect of life tomorrow. I donít even want to wake up tomorrow, but I expect I will do all those things.
Here and Now Room / Re: Sad
« Last post by Tucan on January 16, 2019, 10:08:47 PM »
I understand that. I am eating food like anything at the moment also. Plus my waistline is expanding! I was really fidigity last evening and it's a horrid feeling when you cannot settle on one thing.

Good luck with the gp on Friday.
Here and Now Room / Re: Sad
« Last post by terrified heart on January 16, 2019, 09:03:49 PM »
Thank you. I was on the POP before, I canít take the combined pill because I get migraines. If GP thinks it will help I would definitely take it. Iíll ask her on Friday.

Iíve decided not to go to Borneo this year. Money is tight and I donít know if Iíve the energy for a busy holiday or a long haul flight. Iím going to go somewhere in Europe with my friend in July instead. We both fancy a very relaxing holiday this year.  I wish I could fly away this weekend!

I feel so tense this evening. I canít seem to relax at all. Iím supposed to be trying to lose weight but the only thing that is keeping me going is food. Ice cream, chocolate, cake... I really do comfort eat when Iím unhappy. Not good for my already high cholesterol or my ever expanding waistline. Nothing else makes me feel better like food does tho.
Here and Now Room / Re: Sad
« Last post by Tucan on January 16, 2019, 08:04:45 PM »
I understand that. Bless you. Take care. Good luck with the go. I need to start donation blood again . I am on the mini progesterone only pill. It stops my periods altogether and that helps with the hormonal mood shifts.
Here and Now Room / Re: Sad
« Last post by terrified heart on January 16, 2019, 07:33:07 PM »
Thank you Tucan. It helps to feel heard so thank you for replying xx This place is the ultimate comfort for me, to feel heard, understood and not judged means a lot xx

Iím donating blood next week. I need to not harm before then. I know I need to not harm at all, but not harming until after blood donation day seems easier to aim for than not doing it ever.

I have a GP appointment on Friday. Itís with a nice one that I know will listen. She will listen and be kind, but practically what could she actually do or say that will help?

I guess if this is hormone related and not just general depression then maybe hormonal contraceptives might help? I might ask GP if she thinks taking the pill again might help. My AD is already at the higher dose and out of the dozen or so Iíve tried this one has been the most effective.

Iím so tired and fed up of feeling this way.
Here and Now Room / Re: Sad
« Last post by Tucan on January 16, 2019, 06:52:46 PM »
You sound like you need a big hug. Wish I could help you. You will get better.
Here and Now Room / Re: Sad
« Last post by terrified heart on January 16, 2019, 06:09:33 PM »
I want to SH so badly.

Iím feeling so stressed and miserable. Iím haunted by memories of horrid times from the past and convinced that the future holds nothing positive. Iíve driven in my car the last few days and wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and put my foot down.

Hormones probably arenít helping with the unhappiness. Work is the biggest cause of the stress. Life feels impossible to manage and a happy future feels unobtainable.

Suicide incredibly appealing. SH feels more practical and easier to hide. This s*** might pass and suicide is final blah blah blah... SH will heal, no one else will be affected by that action. Why the hell not. Life is horrid.
Here and Now Room / Re: just want to SH *trig SH ED alcohol
« Last post by Tucan on January 15, 2019, 06:17:00 PM »
It sounds really tough for you. Take care.
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