The NSHN Forum UK

NSHN Forum Support & On Topic Forums. Some additional boards are viewable to members only => Survivor Room => Topic started by: Vermilion on January 30, 2020, 03:00:08 PM

Title: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Vermilion on January 30, 2020, 03:00:08 PM
My current CC is leaving, so I feel quite anxious about it. I guess that I'm a bit worried about getting a really crap one that might mess things up and it's hard to open up, when I do open up they leave.

I could handle that by itself but there is also the issue of deciding what to do next. DBT modules don't seem to be the best treatment at the moment because I'm getting really overwhelmed and it's a struggle to keep myself 'safe' and now that CC is leaving I'd have to attend the group which is impossible for me (she's the only CC/CPN with training who can do 1 to 1) So what's next?
A referral to psychology was briefly mentioned but I don't even know what that's supposed to achieve nor what it involves. Plus, how can I open up to a stranger if they ask about the past?

I feel like I'm at a bit of a loss and I'm just struggling to process it y'know? I have something else that's bothering me to (I'll post that in a more private room) and it's just adding to the stress and worry. It's hard to describe how I'm feeling, maybe overwhelmed? :/
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Tucan on January 30, 2020, 04:36:11 PM
It is hard when these people change and your treatment plan has to also. Just when you were getting somewhere with this person.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Vermilion on January 31, 2020, 02:38:34 PM
I feel like I'm at an impasse, it seems that my brain is do messed up that none of the standard treatment seems to be working. Knowing that my condition is life long I can't help wondering if I'll ever get out of this sh** heap that my life currently is.
I struggle so much to open up with others and it's a shame when they leave. And not knowing what's next is worrying me. I'd say that it's the uncertainty that's worrying me the most.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Tucan on January 31, 2020, 02:56:39 PM
I totally get that. Change and uncertainty is very hard to deal with. Even more so with autism. Just keep talking about how you are feeling.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Vermilion on January 31, 2020, 03:26:27 PM
It is but change is always going to happen and I just wish that I had better skills to cope with it. It also feels like that there's very little help for adults on the spectrum. Here I go again.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Tucan on January 31, 2020, 06:00:04 PM
Skills take time to learn.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Vermilion on February 02, 2020, 02:30:42 PM
I just feel like I'm stuck and things will never change, I feel like my life is finished now.

DBT was supposed to be more effective than it has been and I feel that's it.

I don't know what to think about any of it.  ::-\:
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Tucan on February 02, 2020, 05:26:14 PM
Things take time to work.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Vermilion on February 03, 2020, 02:06:11 PM
They do. I just want my life back but nothing seems to help enough. I don't see much hope since even psychs don't seem to know what to do. I'm 'engaging' with services, I'm really really trying but life is still crap. I know that it takes time but I feel like I should've gotten better than this by now, not completely better but I should have made more progress than I have. I just don't get how things can still be so crap despite trying so hard.
I can't help getting upset and frustrated at times. I can't talk to others because they just make me feel worse, plus my social skills aren't the best. I'm not sure what I could do next, I'm seeing CC next week for what is probably the last time. I'm wondering if Im simply not fixable, I'm not giving up but I'm starting to wonder.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Tucan on February 03, 2020, 04:38:18 PM
Can you mention all of these fears to her? I do feel for you.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Terri on February 04, 2020, 04:25:21 AM
Hey Vermilion.


I'm sorry that there's so much uncertainty regarding your mental health support. It can be hard when a professional leaves. I think Tucan's idea of voicing your concerns to your cc when you see her is a good idea. It might help to talk about it and might help you to access further support if it's documented. How long have you been doing DBT skills with your cc for? I've been told that sometimes people need two rounds of the 12 month programme for things to really sink in, so it's OK and 'normal' for you to have not made as much progress as you might have like to by now. It doesn't mean that you've failed or that you're stuck like this forever. It just means that you haven't been given enough time yet.


It's a shame that your cc is the only one trained in DBT, that seems very unusual - in this area there's a whole team dedicated to it. Maybe that's unusual though, I'm not sure! Do you think psychology might be able to carry on some of the DBT stuff with you? There may be psychologists there that have done the training who'll be able to pick up where you left off with your cc. It's worth a shot, no? :hug2:
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: icicle on February 04, 2020, 10:06:15 AM
The only thing that I found helpful was e-mail counselling, I'm guessing because the counsellor was good at her job and because it was anonymous- I never even knew her name, so I was free to write stuff that I cannot say. For me, face to face = sitting in a room in silence for an hour. I've never tried DBT, it's not available where I live. I agree with what Terri has said- voice your concerns to your CC before she leaves.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Vermilion on February 04, 2020, 04:35:09 PM
I do need to voice my concerns about things, I was caught off guard when she told me so I didn't manage to talk about it properly.

To clarify regarding DBT there is a DBT group that I could attend but they don't do one on one sessions, my CC is the only one who can do DBT on a one to one basis. My autism makes groups really overwhelming. Another issue with DBT is my ability to cope with it and 'stay safe' at the same time; CC is unsure if I'm quite ready yet but of course that leaves me with uncertainty regarding future treatment. I feel like my brain is going to explode! 🤯

Anonymous counseling is a great idea but I find that I really need to build a rapport with the counselor as best I can, plus I'm trying to work on my social skills at the same time. I'm hoping that by talking to one person face to face I can build up to talking to a small group in the future. It's b***** difficult but I want to get better at it. I do often write things down and sometimes give it to CC to read if I can't start the conversation myself.

Thank you everyone.  :hug1: :hug2:
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Vermilion on February 10, 2020, 02:43:21 PM
I'm really hoping that nothing gets f****d up because I really need help. There's too much to deal with and I don't know how.
Stopping the harming is so difficult, I've failed miserably in that respect and b**nt quite badly. I've really tried but it still keeps happening. Maybe they'll discharge me because I'm crap and untreatable? I hope not.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Vermilion on February 10, 2020, 03:46:15 PM
Frodo suddenly died  :'(
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: terrified heart on February 10, 2020, 04:32:02 PM
Oh no. Iím so sorry to hear that. I know how much your buns mean to you. Sending love and hugs xx
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Rob on February 10, 2020, 05:12:19 PM
 :(  :hug2:
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Tucan on February 10, 2020, 05:21:44 PM
I am sorry to hear that. Take care.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Vermilion on February 10, 2020, 08:38:14 PM
It was so sudden, he was his usual self this morning and when I went back later he was gone. He wasn't even 2 years. :'(  I've planted some heather over him.

I want to cancel CC tomorrow, I really CBA. I don't really care about any of it. So much sh** going on and then I lose one of the buns. It's unbearable right now.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Vermilion on February 10, 2020, 11:52:41 PM
I'm really tired but I can't switch off. I really can't deal with this, I'm struggling to process things.

If I tell anyone that I've b**nt myself they'll make me go to urgent care, f*** that. I'm too tired. My head hurts, everything aches and I'm tired but I still can't sleep.

I miss little Frodo, it's hard to believe that he's gone now. :(
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Tucan on February 11, 2020, 11:50:14 AM
That is a shock. Bless you. Look after yourself and look after that b**n!
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Vermilion on February 11, 2020, 05:11:53 PM
Thank you.
It's been a hard day, I couldn't make any decisions because I just don't know what to do. I cried like a t***, everything is just so hard at the moment. I'm supposed to practice 'self care' which is hard because I don't care about myself. I suppose I could at least get the b**n looked at and try to avoid an infection. I really hope that the practice nurses can do something because I really can't face the b**n unit nor urgent Care or hospital in general.

 I'm still not completely sure about the future care, I was too upset to discuss much because life has been a complete sh** show lately. I'm not being discharged but beyond that not sure. Psychology referral is a possibility since DBT isn't working for me right now.  ::-\:

I feel like I want to cry again. :'(
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Tucan on February 11, 2020, 05:47:58 PM
Crying is ok. It's a healthy release.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Vermilion on February 11, 2020, 08:23:29 PM
Yeah, I know but it just goes against every instinct, I've always learned that it's bad to show emotions and it's a struggle to get out of that mindset.

The b**n is starting to look iffy so I've arranged for my mam to come with me to UC in the morning. If I go there now I'll be waiting all night anyway but if I get really bad I'll have to phone for an ambulance I guess. :/ I think I'm going to end up on the b**n unit again. :(
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Tucan on February 11, 2020, 08:34:52 PM
Oh dear bless you.

I was also taught to not show emotions. It is hard to express them in a healthy way as an adult.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: icicle on February 11, 2020, 10:20:25 PM
Remember the good times that you had with your  :bunny: Remember that you gave  :bunny: a nice life. The RWAF has a memorial page, I think that the Blue Cross might do too.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Vermilion on February 12, 2020, 11:11:02 AM
I've planted some heather over him, he's in a plant pot so that I can take him with me if I move. I do it with all of my rabbits.

It's a full thickness b**n so I'm going to the b**n unit again. :(
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Rob on February 12, 2020, 12:22:56 PM
Better to have it seen to properly though.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Vermilion on February 12, 2020, 02:51:22 PM
Yeah I know, it's such a bummer though. It's getting to the point where the staff recognise me because I've been there a few times now. It's not as bad as last time so hopefully I won't have to stay too long. Sigh.
Title: Re: Uncertainty with my future MH care.
Post by: Tucan on February 12, 2020, 04:31:12 PM
Fingers crossed you don't need to stay too long.