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NSHN Forum Support & On Topic Forums. Some additional boards are viewable to members only => Survivor Room => Topic started by: SquareTwo on September 16, 2019, 09:37:14 PM

Title: Confused returner *possible trigger*
Post by: SquareTwo on September 16, 2019, 09:37:14 PM
I'm a returning member from many moons ago. I used to use a different name.

Whilst I can't claim to have been perfectly fine for the intervening years I've managed to get by without stereotypical self harm behaviour.

In recent months I have been struggling with an ethereal urge to self harm. It's like my entire body is aching for pain and today it was at its worst.

I haven't felt like this since my dissociation was at its worst in my late teens/early twenties and it's confusing me. Is it a relapse in my dissociativity (I still dissociate, quite a bit, but it's been presenting very differently in the past few years and this feels almost like the old way).

Basically, I am wondering if there are any other former self harmers still about who may be able to relate to the feeling so I might be able to deduce what I am currently experiencing.

Thanks in advance
Title: Re: Confused returner *possible trigger*
Post by: Tucan on September 16, 2019, 10:02:40 PM
Do you have support? I am around under the same name
Title: Re: Confused returner *possible trigger*
Post by: SquareTwo on September 16, 2019, 10:35:05 PM
I don't have anything. No friends or family. Nothing professional. Just me and the hamster. I've just experienced a major life shift, it's then that I find I experience bigger shifts in my dissociations presentation which is why I am concerned that that's what's going on. But it doesn't feel like a positive shift. Kind of hoping that I am over reacting and that someone else gets similar feelings.
Title: Re: Confused returner *possible trigger*
Post by: BestDolly on January 20, 2020, 09:35:27 PM
Hey
Iím back too - logged back in at the weekend after being away for nearly 10 years.
Massively craving SH my arms were  tingling all over this evening
Iím so distraught to have all this coming back;

Iím at the GP tomorrow, freaking out, want help, donít want to ask for help,
Scared whatís going to happen if I donít get some help.

How you  been since posting?
Title: Re: Confused returner *possible trigger*
Post by: Tucan on January 21, 2020, 09:29:45 AM
Welcome back both of you.
Title: Re: Confused returner *possible trigger*
Post by: SquareTwo on February 04, 2020, 10:49:40 PM
Welcome back best dolly, and thank you tucan.

Best Dolly, I found the sensation not a permanent thing. It still get the occasional urge, but much like craving cigarettes 3 years after packing them in, I make the effort to redirect the energy.

I was doing good in the aftermath of the initial posting. I got busy and I thought it passed. I moved house, started a dream job in the NHS.

At the moment I am having a crisis of confidence, furthered partly by progesterone withdrawal as my implant is wearing off and getting it changed is proving a challenge in my new locale. Work is proving a challenge on a personal level, I am feeling inadequate in comparison to some temp staff taken on at the same time as me (I'm permanent). I just don't know what to do to believe in myself again.