I think its more than validation. The discussion around Autism completely changed my perspective on pretty much everything I do. In doing that, from the first discussion I've not s/hed at all in 3 years. That was after it being a pretty continuous part of my life for 15 years and escalating over that time to a point where things were pretty scary. It seems a lot like the ASD diagnosis now means that they have something appropriate to write, so the "i have to write something" element of the EUPD diagnosis goes and it feels like they pretty much hung that all on the fact that I do s/h. I have never met enough of the criteria anyway and it has never felt like something that has made sense. I think that people here are pretty aware of how sh*tty some professionals can be around PD. But it feels a bit like the ones that weren't were a bit naive to think other people wouldn't be.
I spent a lot of time working out what things worked for me and rewriting everything in my head because what i had been told was wrong. Now it feels like i have to start all over again. The difference this time is that I don't have the information I would need to do that. I knew a lot about ASD previously and I just had to try to work out how to apply that to myself. I don't know a lot about Bipolar disorder and what I do know scares me. My Ex had a Manic Episode with Psychosis a few years ago and the fall out from the things he was doing then essentially trashed his career. I've been working my ass off trying to manage work and Uni together, but it feels a lot like I can get to wherever I want, having worked as hard or not as I feel like, but there will always be the prospect of an episode of depression or mania on the horizon that has the potential to sweep it all away. It is also hard to trust pros. I pretty consistently told them that they were wrong for 10 years and they take the rejection of anything that wont work as "being difficult".
One Psychiatrist recommended I spend 5 days a week for 2 yrs in a Theraputic community...while also saying that I don't fit easily into any of their diagnostic criteria. So in essence, I was being difficult because I refused to spend 2 years of my life being treated that intensively for a condition I don't have. Advice based on assumptions about what I probably would do from people that don't know me, based on that single line explanation also includes: not meeting someone from here again after they were the only person I could contact when I had seriously hurt myself and couldn't make myself call an ambulance. They appeared from the depths of the internet so that I didn't have to have general anaesthetic on my own. But because of the assumption that I would have turbulent relationship with them. I was "ignoring advice" when I met them again...we've been together 5 years and are engaged.
I think the panic attack started at that point because i was helping someone shower and the room was hot and full of steam, so I had a reason to find it more difficult to breathe. Then I spiralled into complete panic. I think I was ignoring things and then I couldn't ignore them anymore. It was exactly a week after the change in diagnosis. Mostly I think it was a combination of not knowing how to handle the change on top of a very hectic work/uni life.
If a diagnosis was just a word, I'd agree it probably doesn't matter especially because I've not changed. But it isn't just a word, it is a way of describing and entire person, in as few words as possible. I guess I kind of see their "I don't like labels" in the same way as I see it when people claim that they "don't see race". It is a step away from direct prejudice and well meant, but fails to recognise that it exists. That the historical presence of that prejudice informs the opinions people have without them being consciously aware of it and enables the continued poor treatment of people under that banner. It is pretty amazing the extent that people's attitudes change based on a diagnosis. Before when I didn't make eye contact with a professional that I didn't know, they would be annoyed by it and at the very least chase it. People took it personally and made it an issue. Now, I still don't look at people, but no one minds, because that is expected in ASD and they know its not personal.