The NSHN Forum UK
NSHN Forum Support & On Topic Forums. Some additional boards are viewable to members only => Survivor Room => Topic started by: Tucan on May 31, 2018, 04:22:23 PM
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I am interested in people's views on this. In some ways I have gotten better as I don't dissociate anywhere near as much, nor do I see really gory scary vivid day dreams. I also don't sh as often or as severely. I haven't od'd for over a year. On the other hand my suicide plans and thoughts have been stronger, it's been more about killing myself than hurting myself as it was before. Each episode seems to get worse. Also my high have gotten higher and more frequent over the years leading the professionals to tell me I have bipolar disorder. Hopefully now I am on more specific medication I should remain more stable and not continue to deteriorate.
What is everyone else's thoughts and experiences?
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For me it's more that life has got far more difficult as I've got older and my my MH probes have been made worse by it. There's a pressure I feel as an adult to be a certain way and it's a blow to your self esteem if you feel you haven't achieved those things you feel you should have. I feel like a misfit in some ways I suppose, everyone around me has nice jobs, stable relationships, kids etc which were not issues when you are younger. Honestly? Relationships baffle me sometimes and I feel weird.
I also feel like I've failed at life in many ways, I thought that I would be doing a lot better at age 30. I guess it's disappointment that can lead to self esteem issues (or complete self loathing).
Being a grown up is difficult too. There's the added pressures of working, managing finances, maintaining a clean home etc and I didn't feel very prepared for it and I still struggle sometimes, it's easy to get overwhelmed.
That said, it is possible to learn to cope too, as you get older you'll have a lot more life experience which would help with your MH because you'll know how to deal with things properly and you'll perhaps be less stressed. Of course any condition that requires meds will require monitoring because meds can stop working sometimes and will need tweaking at times. That applies to all medical conditions too, whether it's diabetes, asthma etc or MH stuff.
There ate definitely things in life that have triggered MH probs for me and it does make MH issues seem a lot worse because we have added stress to cope with as well as our MH probs.
( I hope some of this makes sense and I haven't just written a load of nonsense!)
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It does make sense. In some ways I am better and in others I am worse.
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I think there are definitely 2 sides.
I certainly found that the older I got the more risks I took and the more serious the things I did were. But, it became less frequent as I got older too. I've not done anything in a couple of years now but I think that was because I learnt more about what I needed to do to prevent that.
I think now looking back at that time I found that there were times that I had enough resources to manage and I didn't do anything, but the times that I didn't have enough left to prevent that what I did was worse, and probably more so because I felt worse that I'd messed up.
If i didn't have the information I do now then I wouldn't have been able to mange to get to this point, but the time it took for that to make sense was probably the most dangerous time I had.
I think it's more about what you make of stuff. The longer you have to deal with something the harder the falls are and the more frustrating and all consuming it becomes.
I wish I had an answer but I think everyones solution is different. I guess it's just worth remembering that things often do get a lot worse before they even out
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I have learnt to cope better with things at times. It's a weird one. I was going to discuss it with the cpn but I forgot.
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Things have got much better for me as I've got older. I think it's about accepting myself more, warts and all, and also developing coping strategies to manage my mental health. My late teens and twenties were a complete trainwreck (for those of you who remember me from back then, you'll know), but I'll be 31 at the end of this month and the past 12 months have been a massive improvement on the previous 15 years or so. It hasn't been easy, there are times where it's still not easy - every day is a balancing act in order to keep my mind healthy. It's hard work and takes a lot of effort, but for the happiness I now feel the majority of the time? It's worth it. :)