Author Topic: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)  (Read 345 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Online sniper

  • 18+
  • Usually here
  • ***
  • Posts: 917
  • "Stop asking if I'm OK, Im tired of lying"
Re: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)
« Reply #30 on: April 15, 2018, 06:14:55 PM »
I have been on a mission this afternoon, scouring my flat. The dust builds up so quick. Really hard to keep the levels down. I'm exhausted, as when I do this type of clean, I go a bit ott on it.

Tonight, I will be going out. I need to have a drive I think. And, maybe a sit in the dark silence somewhere. It's risky, because I want to go back to the bridge.
Gonna go with the flow
"From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says.....I survived!"

Online Tucan

  • 18+
  • Usually here
  • ***
  • Posts: 8973
  • Its a cup, not a toilet!
Re: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)
« Reply #31 on: April 15, 2018, 06:56:53 PM »
Good luck. Sounds like you have been fairly busy. Hope your drive later is chilling for you. Stay safe.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Online sniper

  • 18+
  • Usually here
  • ***
  • Posts: 917
  • "Stop asking if I'm OK, Im tired of lying"
Re: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)
« Reply #32 on: April 15, 2018, 07:56:59 PM »
Thank you.

Cannot guarantee the staying safe part, but thank you for saying it.

My mind is constantly whirring. I keep getting sent back to the time I spent on bridge. It is calming when it happens. I have to keep grounded most of the time because I want to stay in that memory, but I can be doing various tasks at the time.
"From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says.....I survived!"

Online Tucan

  • 18+
  • Usually here
  • ***
  • Posts: 8973
  • Its a cup, not a toilet!
Re: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)
« Reply #33 on: April 15, 2018, 08:15:33 PM »
Bless you. Take care
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Online sniper

  • 18+
  • Usually here
  • ***
  • Posts: 917
  • "Stop asking if I'm OK, Im tired of lying"
Re: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)
« Reply #34 on: April 19, 2018, 08:40:43 AM »
I have still been having a rough time, I was hoping things would get better. But, it doesn't seem to be. On the outside, everything seems to be going in the right direction. That's because I'm tired of people asking "What's wrong?". Inside however, I am still like a volcano. I'm ready to blow and do something impulsive. I'm trying to keep a hold of it.

I keep trying to talk with Samaritans, but the last call I made I was feeling generalised. Like my situation didn't fit a 'Suicidal Person'. I was put into a category and I felt like, what I was going through, wasn't REALLY a massive problem. The conversation made me feel worse. I had to write about it after in my Journal, as it was consuming me. (Doesn't always work writing it). I thought that everyone and everything was an individual. And, should be treated as such. That no two things are the same, regardless. I always try to treat people as an individual. In my opinion, that is the way of the world.

Okay, so I do know a lot about my 'Issues' and I have a lot of experience with different things, but surely that doesn't make my situation, better?! Just because I am aware of everything, doesn't mean that I "Don't really want to end my life"! I don't get how someone can say that, without 'Living my life'?! Because of this, I'm angry with anyone I'm speaking to. It seems they don't get the utter despair and hopelessness that I feel.

But, maybe it's my fault for not being able to express it in a way they can understand? I always start to believe that, in the end, which invalidates anything I'm feeling or thinking.

The Vicious Cycle is still going round.  :banghead:
"From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says.....I survived!"

Online Tucan

  • 18+
  • Usually here
  • ***
  • Posts: 8973
  • Its a cup, not a toilet!
Re: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)
« Reply #35 on: April 19, 2018, 08:47:58 AM »
It is good that you are using the Samaritans to help you. Every person though is different so don't let one call put you off. You are doing remarkably well considering what you are going through.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'