Author Topic: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)  (Read 388 times)

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Offline sniper

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Re: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)
« Reply #20 on: April 13, 2018, 02:35:57 PM »
Iím still feeling quite trapped.
It seems no matter what I do or say, something always goes wrong or I get hurt in some way.
Last night, again I felt like going through with my plans. I spoke with Sams, but it wasnít helpful. I became so exhausted with trying to put things right in my head and accepting what my end goal is, that I was getting too tired to drive. I needed to get home in case I lost concentration and killed someone on the roads. I got home and fell into bed. Today, Iím disappointed that I didnít have enough energy to complete my task.
Almost punishing myself.
"From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says.....I survived!"

Online Tucan

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Re: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)
« Reply #21 on: April 13, 2018, 03:05:35 PM »
Bless you.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline sniper

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Re: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)
« Reply #22 on: April 14, 2018, 09:03:12 AM »
So, I did a switch on my emotions yesterday using some of the DBT skills I've learned over the years.
Yes, I was feeling extremely disappointed and angry that I still haven't returned to ("An Unsafe area") to complete my plans. It is still something I want and crave.

However, I just thought I'd give it a go, I was liking the fact that it wasn't raining yesterday. The last few days have been horrible. Even the attempt, was in the cold rain. So, I took my car, and did all the required checks on it to keep it healthy: tyres, water, screen wash, oil etc. I then took it somewhere to get it cleaned. It was needing it.
When I bought the car in March, it had just a couple of exterior bodywork issues. Going through a carwash the first time, didn't affect these things. Yesterday it did. But, I didn't get angry or upset. I knew it was a possibility it could happen so, I could not have put blame on the car wash owners/attendants. I simply went to my Dad's house and repaired the issues. I cleaned inside while I was there.

I think what I'm saying is, that even though I was chastising myself, I focused my attention on my car that NEEDED attention and care. My car is my life, my blood, my freedom and safe space. It needs to be in working order.

I just didn't realise that I had been switching my focus. "Acting opposite" to what I felt and was thinking. I noticed I was doing that yesterday, only this Morning when I was trying to figure what I did yesterday. Please, please don't misunderstand, I still feel the way I was, and think of the things I was, before. I STILL WANT AND NEED that.

I'm shocked that I managed to do something so positive while hanging off the edge of a cliff with fingertips.
"From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says.....I survived!"

Online Tucan

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Re: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)
« Reply #23 on: April 14, 2018, 05:32:25 PM »
That is good you have managed to do something positive. It is something to be proud of. It seems like you coped with caring for your car well. We just need to get to a place where we can get you coping with looking after yourself.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline sniper

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Re: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)
« Reply #24 on: April 14, 2018, 07:27:27 PM »
Thank you Tucan.

Yes, that does seem the ULTIMATE ISSUE. Caring for ME. I do not do well at it at all.

I've been like a yoyo today. Like someone playing with a yoyo, but also doing lots and lots of tricks with it. I don't have a word for what I'm feeling. It's like 5-6 emotions that are a mix of positive and negative, all bunched into one. Which in turn, is making my thoughts harder to process and understand.
"From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says.....I survived!"

Online Tucan

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Re: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)
« Reply #25 on: April 14, 2018, 07:35:30 PM »
It can be difficult. I wish I could help you more.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline sniper

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Re: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)
« Reply #26 on: April 15, 2018, 10:08:40 AM »
Thank you Tucan, I guess just listening and having a little understanding of what things are like, makes a difference. (Sorry if I worded that wrong)  ::-\:
"From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says.....I survived!"

Online Tucan

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Re: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)
« Reply #27 on: April 15, 2018, 10:09:08 AM »
That's ok. Talk away. I hope it is helping you.
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'

Offline sniper

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Re: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)
« Reply #28 on: April 15, 2018, 04:56:26 PM »
 :hug1:
"From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says.....I survived!"

Online Tucan

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Re: Needing advice (poss trig SH, SUI)
« Reply #29 on: April 15, 2018, 05:22:57 PM »
How are things this afternoon? What are you going to do tonight?
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:


'Sigh no more ladies sigh no more for men were deceivers ever'