heya,
I've got scars down my arms and legs and i genuinely sometimes totally forget they are there. Sometimes there are awkward moments where a nurse is taking blood and asks me 'what on earth happened there?' and sometimes a friend might say 'did you have surgery on your arm?' or a kid thinks i've got a 'poorly' on my arm, but the majority of the time nobody notices... and I know it is not just me being blind to people looking because I am like a hawk eye observer of everyone around me haha. Most of the time people are just to busy with everything else to be scanning our bodies inch by inch and people care about what we are saying and the expressions we are making much more than our skin on our bodies... despite what we think half the time! As someone who has self harmed I think I look tonnes more at peoples skin because i am looking for signs of self harm on other people... but that is more about me and my insecurities of my own body, it isn't a normal average habit to scan peoples skin. And as you can see from my examples above, when people have confronted me about my scars they have been naive and unaware as to how i could have got scars all down my arms... and i think the people that do understand what the scars are from dont tend to ask me because i guess they understand it's my business.
I suppose my thinking is, there is definitely life after self harm and scars that last will eventually not be as difficult to cope with as they sometimes feel. I sometimes wish mine weren't there, i sometimes am very self conscious of them, i sometimes feel sad about them, but i also find the fact that they have healed is a major accomplishment and the fact that they are there does remind me of how much i have done to get through some of the most horrendous times of my life. I think everyone is different in how they deal with their scars, but it sounds like you are hoping to find your way to accepting yourself and the choices you have made, and i hope that you do find a way to forgive yourself, maybe the scars can remind you that you gave yourself a chance at life, you didn't give up and you are still here fighting. The scars show you have the potential to change and to heal, just as they are doing.
xx