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Why do I feel ok today?

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bernie:
Why do I feel ok today? Well it is only 11 am. Took more propranolol last night as could not sleep thought it might help. After interview nerves. I get them before and after! Other than feeling hot, and have electricity pylons running through my head I felt ok. Didn't sleep though. Don't know whether it is the meds kicking in or just my imagination. Have not had a drink for 4 nights. Usu can only do that in a month. Had overdone the drinking before that though i.e shared 3 bottles of wine so was overdoing it. I feel I want to stop as opposed to thinking I should stop or feeling guilty about drinking. It feels weird to feel normal. I don't know whether this is an illusion and I am kidding myself. Usu not good mentally over weekends as I can't see my counsellor or ring anyone I know if get bad. I know there is crisis but I always feel guilty. i felt guilty when my other works counsellor from RF said I shouldn't be ringing/emailing her re my mental problems as it puts her in a compromising position. I am seeing her Weds, don't know whether to call it a day with her. I am no longer working. Don't know how she can help me now. Seeing CMHT counsellor on Monday. Will have to go thru my last 'crisis' on Weds with her. Still waiting for cbt. Don't know whether I should give it all up.  :violin: ha my son plays the violin when he is not on the Xbox!

brownie:
I think i know what you mean - if i feel well or ok i sometimes start questioning why and almost looking for reasons to not be ok, its slightly self destructive.

Its tuesday since i had a drink and i'm trying to stay away from it too.

bernie:
Well that was short lived. Didn't feel quite so good this aft. under the blanket all afternoon. bad thoughts pervading. found out that the VIP invite I had to the Museum next week was for the Queen and Prince Philip, oh well never mind I'm sure they won't miss me being miserable at the procedings. Was going to go but with all this have I got a job business next week and thinking I'd be too scared to go to any VIP do I didn't bother filling it in.

bernie:
Sorry B was typing at the same time. Husb found out the work he had been doing all week was wrong last night. As he gets paid by results it is baked beans next week. He wanted me to get a bottle of wine in tonight but I refused. I can't refuse it if it's in the house! Let's see how we cope together is it staying on the Wagon?

brownie:
Staying on the wagon is hard, i'm not a full scale alcoholic or anything though - i don't drink 2 bottles of vodka a day !, just beer. I do find it helps me relax.

I find this time of night hardest, with the whole evening/night ahead of me. Its easy to start drinking and listening to music to escape and relax.

Sorry you don't feel so good now, its good you have hubby and kids to support you.

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