Author Topic: Back to where I began my recovery journey. Prozac poop-out?  (Read 3746 times)

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Offline purplefiona

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Back to where I began my recovery journey. Prozac poop-out?
« on: February 05, 2018, 05:05:32 PM »
Hi everyone

I've been on and off this forum (mostly off) since the late nineties/early 2000s

I met some of my greatest friends IRL here.

I haven't self harmed for a couple of years, probably three, I don't keep count.
I'm nearly a year sober, so that's an improvement on the drinking front.
I smoke about 3 fags a week, so that's pretty low risk.
I don't smoke drugs anymore.
I have a vitamin regime (!!!)
I have a full time stable job.
I have a stable home.
I have a stable relationship.
I pay for private therapy every other week.

 :maytrigger:

AND YET
I astounded myself by feeling utterly suicidal last night - a real "felt-truth" feeling that others would be better off without me - that I was a nuisance, a burden, a weirdo, someone who is nasty and manipulative and evil etc etc, ALL those things that I work SO HARD not to think about myself - I spend a lot of time in self-talk, telling myself everything is OK and backing it up with facts, you know, the CBT/DBT stuff and other self-think that I've learnt - and also facts, e.g. above - but I did a frantic search for my old tools last night and went onto ebay and bought some things to harm myself with.

WHAT IS GOING ON

I'm on 40mg Prozac - 20mg 30mg or 40mg seems to hold me steady depending what time of year it is....usually.... has it stopped working?
I keep dissociating
I feel tearful
I was late for work
Am I relapsing?

FRUSTRATION.

Anyone had this after years on therapy and on pills?
"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
"Oh you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."

Offline Tucan

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Re: Back to where I began my recovery journey. Prozac poop-out?
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2018, 05:22:32 PM »
Could you talk to your therapist about it? Sometimes these feelings can come out of the blue for no reason
now hand over the tea bags and we won't have any trouble.... :police:

Offline purplefiona

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Re: Back to where I began my recovery journey. Prozac poop-out?
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2018, 11:21:58 AM »
I will do. She is a relationship counsellor that I see every other week and I don't want to freak her out. But it will be good to unpack it. Also in crisis I have the Samaritans and the web and many friends - I'm not a high risk or I would've called my GP or posted in Here and Now.

I'm feeling better today - TBH there is a lot of family stuff going on for me and I am feeling trapped in many ways which is a big trigger for me.

I don't quite know how I will feel when I get the post. Usually the impulse passes; I guess it depends on what my brother/husband say next.

In other news, does anyone know how to stop all the emojis appearing above where I type my post? I only ever use one or two and the way they all jiggle gets on my nerves.

x
Thanks for the support and thanks for reading this.
"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
"Oh you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."

Offline Terri

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Re: Back to where I began my recovery journey. Prozac poop-out?
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2018, 12:02:43 PM »
I'm glad that you're feeling better today. I think that sometimes there are going to be natural ups and downs in life, as with everyone. It's just that if you've had previous stuff going on with your mental health you might feel it a bit more, or that's been my experience.


Would it help to talk about the family stuff? If you didn't want to post on a public board, there's the over 18 room. I hope that you start to feel less trapped soon.


r.e. emojis, there's a setting somewhere, or there used to be. I'll do a bit of poking around. I used to know, but it's been ages since I've been here!
Chief :smurf: Pry Master.


And hope and grace were all I needed.

This isn't everything you are.