Do you make promises?

[karatekez]

I was wondering if any of you made promises to family, friends or doctors ect? I promises never to SH harm again, I promise never to try suicide again, I promise never to be admitted to psych unit again ect ect.
I used to do this, I said to my best friend that I would never SH again, but when I did she seemed so dissapointed. Now I never promise. I was in hospital recently and mum said 'there won't be a next time will there?'. I said 'I can't promise you that mum'. I said that for the first time ever, and to be honest it was a relief. There is so much pressure in making promises, so I never do it anymore it just makes me feel like I let people down when I can't keep them.

[split]

I don't make promises I can't keep. That's for sure.
I would never make a promise on my mental health though. Its too unpredictable and mostly out of control.

[karatekez]

Yes I agree, they say that's why I'm so impulsive...it's part of my illness...apparantly! I never know when something is going to happen so I stopped with the promises. x

[Louise]

Makes sense.

Personally, I would say anyone with a true understanding of whatever illness you have would know asking you to "promise" not to do things is a fruitless exercise - it doesn't mean you won't self harm, just means you'll be left with even more feelings of guilt if you do.

Not that I mean to criticise anyone who does ask you to "promise" to stop - natural reaction of seeing someone you love hurting themselves, you'd say and do pretty much anything out of desperation to try and make them stop. I know I would if the roles were reversed.

It's manipulative and unproductive, but I'd bet serious money it does not seem that way to them and is certainly not their motivation.

I think you are doing the right thing in not promising - only promises I have made (as an adult) are my wedding vows, and they are the only ones I could ever swear to keep.

[hidden tears]

Yeah, I think it's natural for someone, especially a friend or family member who doesn't necessarily understand how hard what they're asking is, to ask you to promise not to harm. I tend to answer, depending on the context, who it is and where I am at the time, that I can't promise not to sh but I'll promise to try not to.

I have a fantastic friend at the moment who I've also promised to talk to first, but that's only because she's worked and building up my trust and it was my choice, and I know that she doesn't make me feel guilty if I end up harming anyway.

[smuge]

ive been asked by several people to promise that i wont harm to which i say sorry carnt do that as a promise is ment to be keept.

[Rachel]

I am having a really bad day, phoned in sick at work as I couldn't face it and wanted to s/h, tried as many distractions that I could think of and my partner rang me and he asked me to promise I wouldn't, which has just made me feel worse, I told him you should never make a promise that you can't keep and all I can do is try, I think that's all any of us can do Xxx

[karatekez]

awww rachel, how are you? He should have said 'please try not to'. You know I am lonely, I have been single for a long time. I once met a girl and she was very honest with me, she actually said 'I would be worried about being your partner because I wouldn't be able to do anything about that'. I appreciated her honesty and it was probably the best thing that anyone said to me.
Sometimes when someone says 'I wish you wouldn't do that' can make you feel bad and guilty too. Someone else mentioned before, the best promise to make is 'I promise I will try not to do it again'.

[Nicole]

Just to give a different perspective...

I have promised that, if I had suicidal thoughts/urges, I'd go to the hospital if I thought I couldn't resist the urges otherwise. Suicidality can be an escape fantasy or obsession. If I allowed suicide to be an option, I wasn't fully committing to MH treatment. Plus, I didn't want my husband to have to live with the fear that I would end my life.

Making that promise has improved my life. I have to keep that promise; I refuse to break it. I know it means that I have to suffer through whatever comes in my life, but the promise has freed me from having to make the decision regarding suicide of "should I or shouldn't I". It's a relief.

[greenday]

ya my dad always says please promise me u would not sh i say ill try and he gets realy angry