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A fraud if I don't harm enough?

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Vermilion:
I feel like I need to justify the fact that I'm on ESA/PIP and like if I don't SH for a while then maybe I'm not that unwell. I feel the same if I'm at a psych appt of some kind and it's been a while since I harmed I feel guilty for taking up their time.

I've never actually harmed for this reason but the guilt is there if I don't SH for a while.

Anyone else? Or does someone at least understand?

Rob:
Because issues don't manifest themselves as SH doesn't mean that they're not existent anymore, nor less important. Being able to control your SH is good, but unless your underlying causes have been sorted out, you wouldn't be able to just return to employment without it all starting up again. In a way, it shows that reducing some of the pressures on you has been the right thing to do - hence your ESA/PIP is valid.

yrangelion:
I get this, it doesn't help that my CPN blames me for SH but then when I don't do it, she treats me as cured.
I wish I had helpful words for you...just know that you are not alone.  :hug2: I don't think I have been very helpful sorry, but if you want to chat to someone who understands I am here x

sniper:
I have found that if I don't SH for a substantial amount of time, they write the words " In Remission "! So not true, but they choose to see what they want.

I've always known that SH for me, is just around the corner. Yes, I fight it but, when it doesn't happen for a while, they say I'm doing so well.

I feel almost "dismissed" when this happens.

Vermilion:
Yeah,I think that the guilt is reinforced by MH services, it's probably the reason that some people SH severely as a cry for help type of thing. It can feel like a competition sometimes, I'd been asking for help for years but it's only when I had a 3rd degree b**n that they took me seriously and deemed me worth helping. When I don't SH for a while I feel like I'm not worth helping anymore and psychs seems to be reinforcing this idea, almost like they're penalising us for doing better.

ESA and PIP is supposed to be for people who are seriously unwell and I guess I start to doubt that I'm that ill. Especially when psych services treat me as such when I already feel like I've already been off work for far too long. At the same time I understand taking the pressure off has been helpful in reducing the SH a bit but I can't stop feeling that guilt. It's not helped when I hear people moaning and bitching about'lazy shirkers' or 'scroungers' etc, it's reinforcing that guilt.

I guess these thoughts are feeding off one another.  ::-\:

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